Deciding

or - how to make decisions. like I could explain in one paragraph when there are boatloads of books (probably) written about this.

here's my best shot, but first a personal intro... some days I find it very easy to make decisions and some days I get in the "paralysis of analysis" mode and can't decide on the simplest, minor issues. I'm not totally sure what makes the difference but this is what I do know:
- I can't see all the consequences of any decision I make - God can
- even if I could see, I don't necessarily know what is best for me - God does
- I really do want what is best for me - God and I may have different definitions of best
- He made me and he made me to be dependent on him
- I need Him to determine what is best and to guide me there
- When I make a decision without consulting and dependence, it is automatically a wrong decision. It may look right externally, but it reinforces independence --> pride --> sin

So from one perspective, I'm bound and incapable and all my decisions are wrong if my approach is wrong- Ok that's depressing! But God through His Spirit can save the day IF I continually lean on Him for wisdom and express my total dependence along with gratitude for loving me, wanting the best for me, and giving me tools (including my mind) to make good decisions.

This could get philosophical/theological really fast and I'd rather keep it practical and useful. The book "Blink" says that free will is an illusion and I can see the point based on the authors premise. Christians have been arguing free will vs. election (or some variation) for ages and I think it's not really a "vs." thing- somewhere in God's dimension, it's both/and. One choice that we can make is to trust God or not. All other choices fall on this. I don't think it's really possible to separate my trust for "eternal security" from my trust for my next decision or breath of air for that matter. And what is my next decision really? Most of the time I'm not even aware of the decisions I'm making- they are so automatic, intuitive, and quick.

This may be a matter of being more aware - not just to the decisions I'm making but more importantly to what is informing those decisions, especially the subconscious ones. How can I be more aware of this? Is it Ok to not always have a standard answer for these questions, but use the question itself to keep the conversation with God alive? Maybe he likes it when we don't always have the pat answer because that keeps us communicating with Him and others.

Father, I want to be fully leaning on you 24/7, knowing that any decision made apart from you is automatically wrong and not best for me. This is somewhat unnerving and I know you don't want it to be and you have grace, amazing grace and I'm so thankful. Please help me to live in your reality more, to open myself- be vulnerable to you and others, to just be a channel of your incredible love to those around me. I realize that I can't make any right decisions without you and it's so foolish to try. Please remind me when I start down that road of independence. THANK YOU!!!