Sunday, December 14, 2008

Waking up

I've developed a habit over the past couple of months or so of connecting with God before I get out of bed. As soon as I realize that I'm still alive and still me and have a day in front of me, I think/pray something like- "Good morning, Father. Thank you for a new day, thank you for my life, thank you for working in me and around me and help me to see others the way you see them, help me to see my circumstances and opportunities the way you see them. My life is all yours and I want you to rule me and let me know when I'm not cooperating. I need you desperately in every way and want others to see you better through me. Thanks..."

What exactly started this I'm not sure but it's been a combination of learning (in an experiential way)that I was designed to be connected to God. Any thought, words or action that expresses independence is absolutely dysfunctional. Another learning is that it really is possible to pray without ceasing. Essentially the same as being/staying connected but in a more conscious way - the fact that every thought I think can be prayer. If I'm connected (and being connected properly is to be aligned-to know who the boss is, acknowledge it and embrace it)then my thoughts are connected.

The experience of waking up every day is like pushing the 'reset' button on life to a small degree. The vast majority of days prior to my new habit started with some version of this in my head after and in between hitting the snooze button "oh boy, already morning, I'm so tired I wish I could call a timeout on life and just catch up on my sleep- oh well, what's on my plate today? (people, projects, plans, priorities follow in jumbled stress)Do I have time to read my bible? not if I want to get 7 more minutes or make it to the meeting on time. I better get up-I wish it was Saturday- Okay, here it goes...." Not much excitement, not much hope, not connected- just out on my own power...and insecure, anxious, and stressed OR if things seem to all be "going my way" at the moment-I'm proud and pompous. Either way, less than fully human and not attractive at all.

Why did it take me this long to figure this out????

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Fully human

I just spent 3+ days at a gathering at Mt. Hermon with Cheri, good friends and a group of people on a journey. The journey is the same for us all, yet takes us down different roads. I’d love to be able to summarize it in a sentence or even a paragraph but….so….OK- I’ll give it my best and try real hard not to use worn out cliches. Most of us come from the Christian religion and we have seen it become in many ways just that- another religion with the associated rules, rites, guilt, shame, subculture, expectations, who’s who, are you in or out, etc. Many have come to a point of being tired- tired of playing the game. Frankly, tired of ‘doctrine’, tired of living up to the expectations of the rule-keepers, tired of religion. So we dream and we let our well trained minds out of the ‘religion’ box and ask “what did God have in mind when he made us? What does it mean to be fully human? Is that congruent with the ‘abundant life’ or ‘eternal life’?” In other words, did God create us to play a type of waiting game- sticking it out and sucking it up in this life while we wait for that next one? Does human = bad?

The one example that seemed to get more play than others had to do with appearances. One man’s story about his senior picture that had been airbrushed and how he wanted that picture to represent him even though it was the most unlike him. The idea is that we (and especially I) want to project an image that is better than reality. We want to show our ‘good’ side and keep the other side(s) hidden, secret. Someone has said “you are only as sick as your secrets”. And so, part of living in real community is not hiding, but revealing. Not being ashamed of our humanity but exposing all of it- the good, the bad, and the sinful. Confessing to each other is God’s way. It’s healthy. It’s functional- highly functional. Must be how we were made. The more that I keep it to myself, the more unrealistic I am and want others to be about me. Not good=not healthy=not functional=not the way were made.

(I had a feeling this wouldn’t be short) Being the visual type I came to view my life as a pipe- like a pipe that carries water, say…in a fountain. I function best when the water can flow unimpeded through me. So what people notice as they see the fountain is the water, not the pipes that carry the water. The best that I can offer is to be a clean, clear channel for the living water to flow. Anything that hinders the flow or draws attention to the pipe is not fully functional- in fact dysfunctional. My 'pipe' is not identical to any other pipe so the fountain flowing through me will be unique- the expression of Christ living through me will look different than anyone else. Not only is that OK, it's by design and it's the mosaic that makes the body so beautiful (when it's functioning) I just remembered a song from college days "I got a river of life flowing out of me.."

Other thoughts from the weekend:
Heidi (who has adopted 7 boys – 3 from Africa) waking up to pray “God help me, there is no way I can pull this off under my own power” before she rolls out every morning.

Kelley talking about counting the cost and realizing that when we don’t have enough on our own- to negotiate the terms of peace, which in our case with God means full surrender.