Thursday, February 4, 2010

Thank you!!!

I woke up at 1:30am with so much gratitude it literally felt like my heart would explode. It's an hour later now and, while escaping cardiac arrest, I'm still overwhelmed with thankfulness. My best effort in writing will fall short of the whole emotion and energy of it but, so here it is: God has put people in my life that are just amazing. Maybe they're not celebrities to others but they have affected me to my core in ways that i don't have the vocabulary for. I want to name them all and I still might but i know i wouldn't do justice to the task, too many- and with my memory... well 'nuf said.

My left brain struggles to keep up with my right brain in moments like this but a thought that occurred to me is that I'm reaping what I sowed. Yesterday I was on a high of just pumping others up. I'm not sure what sparked it but it just went all day long- through email, on twitter, in person and in my prayers. I had some kind of increased vision of how special each person was that was in my life, intentional or not, and I just wanted to love them and let them know it. What came back was messages via text, facebook, twitter, email, phone calls and in person that were so encouraging that it's literally overflowing my capacity to feel it all and express it.

How i wish technology could take my heart and put in it writing. words are feeling inadequate. so when i woke up my heart/chest/soul/whatever felt so full that i wondered if I was (physically) OK. My mind kept moving from person to person, thanking God that He connected us (see last post, "like a freeway")

I'm going for it here as this is mainly my journal and if i think of more later, I'll just edit or add a comment :) Cheri, Dad&Mom, Todd, Ben, Kara, Clark, Jacob, Lane&Josie, Jael, Jewel, Jena,Ralph&Jacquie, Christy, Kim, Daniel&Cindy, Jeff&Rocio, Jeff F, Erik R, Eric P, Shaun&Maria, Lyle, David&Karen, John R x 3, Mike, Steve G, Scott W, Harold&Marilyn, Doug&Carol,John S,Gary B x 2, Bob S, Gerardo M, Russ Y, Steve M, Jason L, Phil, Brian T, Annette, Brian G(RIP), Chris L x2, Dan P, Don&Sunbeam, Don M, Dale, Glen R, Glen W x 2, Kenny N, Kenny&Kathy, Kevin (RIP), Gene P, Brett R, Brett S, Gma S (RIP), Gmpa/ma H (RIP), Gina P, Rochelle V, Tim T-S, Claude&Kelley, Mike T, John M, Brian M, Dismas, John S, Mark B, Mark L, Stan S, Chris B, Dave L, Dave A, Chuck A (RIP), Al, Frank, Carl, Randy S, Jeff S, Thom, Kyle, Gordon, Floyd, Louie, Jay, Jon Hx2, Rob H, Jesse G, Jesse L, Jessah P-M, Michelle, Kyoko&Hiro, John&Karen, Mark K, Mark&Yvette, John&Kathy, Ron&Janice, Scott&Kathy, Juan C, Juan&Lydia, Daniel M, Patty L, Doug H, Kristin S, Anne G, Alan D, Cody F, Ron H, John C, Jim E, German&Ester, Milton, Paul T, Bridgett...

Others I can see their face and hear their voice but can't think of their names like my English professor in college-wow, I'm glad I wrote you a letter way back when I remembered. Then there are whole groups/communities that would add hundreds- it's just mind blowing. If this is a small taste of heaven, I'm literally not ready yet for the full deal unless I have the increased capacity to absorb it. Part of me wanted to jump out of bed and start writing thank you notes (note to self-start that habit again) and another part of me just wanted to stay in the moment. It was ecstasy in communion with God- surreal but yet more real, almost like a new dimension. Now it's 3:30 and I'm in wonder of this gift of a moment. To think of having that continual high for eternity is really too much to comprehend. And how to communicate that to others?

This morning I was in a meeting and the MC gave credit to "the universe" for something. I thought, wow, that's about as big as you can get-but so unpersonal. The reality that I have a relationship with it's creator is....well....I'm speechless... with awe and gratitude. Thank you GOD!
Just "THANK YOU" forever....

Monday, February 1, 2010

like the freeway

I was driving on the freeway today and let someone merge when the metaphor hit me: Life is like the freeway. I know, like any analogy, it breaks down at a certain point but the more i thought about it, the more it was very fitting. I'll just stick to the freeway and you can make the connections to life: EVERYTHING I mention is part of the metaphor so take a break if you need- don't speed read this.

I'm on a journey and there are people all around me at this point in my journey. Some are going faster, some slower. 99.99% don't even acknowledge me as a person and I'll never see them again. I have no idea which ones I'll never see again. Some will be near me for almost the whole journey. This is rare but when it happens, there's some kind of bonding that happens. Just a little, I'll be honest- I feel a certain affinity to that CAR- not even the people inside really, because of our shared journey. It always brings a certain joy when I (or the kids) spot the same car 100 miles later. And then there are the cars that I take turns with passing each other and it's kind of fun but I don't know if they are having the same kind of fun I am or if they're actually competing or getting a tude. Ok, sometimes I'm the one competing :) Some enter at one exit and leave at the next and I kind of wonder why they even bothered getting on. (there's that "wonder" word again...)

We all have our own routes which MAY have different starting and stopping points but the reality is: right here and right now I am surrounded by cars (Ok, I'm in SoCal) and we are all moving roughly in the same direction (think hard on that) at sometimes very different speeds. In fact, not rarely enough, a car is stopped on the side with either a mechanical failure, out of gas, or unfortunately- an accident. I usually try to guess why they are stopped, if the reason isn't obvious, as I fly by. If the reason is obvious i tell myself that it would cause too big of a problem if i stopped to help- they probably have help on the way- or, God forbid, they may hurt me. I actually have stopped a few times to help and found the experience quite rewarding. I've also been stopped, by accident or out of gas or transmission, etc. and have been so fortunate to be helped by some very kind souls. When I can't see what the problem is, it makes me wonder...until I get distracted by the next (unexpected lane change, new road sign, funny bumpersticker, etc.) My mind moved on but the stopped car is still there- waiting- for what?

Traffic flows well when we all drive nice and let others merge. Speaking of merging, I always thought that was the main reason for traffic jams, which start with slow downs which start with someone stepping on their brakes and the person behind them didn't allow enough room and had to do the same plus a little more, then the chain reaction started. Margin is a good thing that would avoid the braking->jams->frustration and impatience. But that's just my opinion.
Merging is an interesting ordeal. It's cool when a merge is seamless. It's fun to watch and even more fun to do. So someone enters my life (ooops, I forgot that you're making the metaphor stick) So someone is on the onramp and I can see them in my peripheral vision and my mind begins to subconsciously calculate the rate, distance and timing of their eventual merge. It is interesting that if I'm the one merging, I'm much more tuned into the flow and how I will fit in. On the other hand, if I'm on the main road I'm much less aware of those that would like to join the flow. I can actually ignore them and get away with it because, well, I have the right of way and it's their job to figure out how to fit it, right? I say get away with it but that's not always the case. If I see an 18 wheeler, I will accommodate it much more than I would an economy car because the potential consequences to MY car are vastly different. Plus, I know that truck will go wherever it wants and the economy car understands he's at the bottom of the food chain. I used to drive some fairly old, big and ugly cars. You really want to know, right? Ok, '76 Pacer (ugly) '65 Wildcat (huge,old) 88 Ford F-250 (all the above). Here's how driving the OBU car works: people give you space. They really don't want to get close to you. And they know you have nothing to lose if you get too close so they basically avoid you. Now I drive decent cars and I can feel the difference. Really.
I'm gonna stop here for two reasons: it's late and there's a lot to absorb in the metaphor. I might continue. Or you might comment to continue. But I'll sign off with a few questions:

Where's your journey taking you?

Do you have a map or GPS?

What lane are you in?

How have your merges been?

Are you moving or stopped?

Do you like your car?

Is this post too abstract for your box? :)