How would you like your government?

Wouldn't it be nice if it were that easy, like ordering your eggs for breakfast?
Yes, scrambled please. Not too dry and crumbly but not too wet and runny either.
Oh, and with ketchup of course. Thank you.

Part of the reason that it's not that easy to custom order your government is because it involves more than one person being governed and of course we all have unique preferences. You might prefer your eggs fried, sunny side up. But really, ideally, government would be best if it was custom tailored for each person, wouldn't it? It's such a novel idea that it's actually difficult to imagine. Or is it? What if that kind of government already exists?

One challenge when speaking about government is that we tend to think of the BIG forms of government. For example, when you hear someone say "the Government is growing 10% per year" you probably think of the Federal Government. It's OK, we all do that. But I wish we didn't. We've been trained by the media, by each other and by the big forms of government themselves to think and talk that way. Do you want to call that being brainwashed? You would probably be right. How then shall we think? And speak? And live?

Before I go any further, these are basic ideas I think we can all agree on:
Government is necessary
Government should serve the best interest of the governed
Government involves power, and power tends to corrupt
Government involves politics, and politics tends to be divisive
Government involves control, and control tends to expand

Assuming that we agree on those 5 ideas, consider the following statement: The very thing that is necessary but tends toward corruption, divisiveness, and expansion should be serving the best interest of the governed. When stated like that, it's a wonder that governments last as long as they do. It also comes as no surprise then, that every federal government has a shelf life as these tendencies cause nations to implode over time (if not overtaken by another country/government operating under the same expansion dynamic).

The first idea is an amoral fact of life - that government is necessary.
The second idea is good - government should serve the best interest of the people.
The next 2 ideas could be labeled bad;  the dynamics that eventually cause the implosion or demise of the good and necessary thing- corruption and divisiveness.
The last idea seems to be morally neutral in itself. Expanding is great if the content and dynamic is good. Expanding is terrible if the content and/or dynamic is bad.

So what? Now what?

History, experience and common sense all tell us the same thing: the government that best serves the people is decentralized. The more local and relationship driven, the better. And I'll cut straight to the chase here: The family is the best government around when it's fully functioning. 

*News Flash*--------*10:08pm, April 21, 2015*---------*TRUE STORY*
I just heard what I thought was a gunshot in our neighborhood. Other neighbors on Facebook have pretty much confirmed that it was actually some type of firework. A discussion ensued and there was talk of the danger of a fire being started as it's so dry and of the police not responding to calls in the past. I suggested a form of self-government. One neighbor who seems to know the source said "J, I love the idea and will happily see if I can chat with them..."  
I volunteered to go with them.
If I wasn't in the middle of thinking and writing about this, I may not have suggested what I did. Makes me wonder how much I've been brainwashed: #notmyproblem #taxdollarsatworknotatwork

Q: What are the chances that our visit will have a better net effect than a visit by the police?
A: Consider: tax dollars (police time and expenses better served in other ways), neighborhood relations (not "us vs. them"  but " us helping us"), stopping that activity from them in the future (public and private property damage, possibly lives at stake)

Q: What are the chances that the harmful activity could have been avoided by a fully functioning family background vs. by govt?
A: Way, way better considering that government isn't good at preventative crime (it's not their job and the more they attempt to, the more they interfere with personal liberty). Family is the best context for instilling character starting from the very beginning.

Q: Why is a well functioning family the best government?
*note: I'm using the terms well functioning and fully functioning to describe a dynamic that would require a whole 'nuther blog post. It's not a perfect family - in fact, the way it deals with not being perfect is perhaps the best indicator of how well it does function and is the root of the need for government in the first place. Hope that makes sense.

A: Families have the unique ability to discipline in love like no other relationships. Examples of some that can serve as great substitutes and enhancements are: Coaches, Teachers, Mentors, etc. When we are confronted with our dark side, we know that impersonal, uncaring force is the worst way to effect positive influence and change. In fact, it typically drives the recipient deeper into darkness. People respond to love and literally never tire of being loved. It is impossible for larger, centralized forms of government to provide this because of the relational requirement.

So the aspect of laws (legislating, adjudicating and enforcing) is one thing and easy to see how a family that models the basics of love and the golden rule are the best foundation and guide for people to self-govern. But what about Mail delivery, Defense, Infrastructure, Parks, Education, etc, etc.?

This post can't address all those in detail but I'll throw some ideas out:
1. The more local a service can be, the less overhead it will have and the more efficient it will be.
2. Some services, but precious few, can only and should only be carried out by the Federal Govt. I would say Defense falls firmly there. Not much else. The way our country was originally set up, the States have the say over much of what the Feds now operate.

This reminds me of a dynamic that I think may be in play: When a smaller form of government abdicates it's role and responsibility, a larger and more impersonal form will take on the role and responsibility by default. If a family doesn't function well, it will spill onto the churches, onto the schools, onto employers, the police, the courts, etc. As the chain grows, the costs increase and the efficiency goes down. If I did enough research, there is probably a case for this going all the way to Federal Defense Scope and Budget. Why else would we need to worry about invasions, terrorism, etc if the families and communities of the world governed themselves well?

Another awesome thing about families is that term limits are built in. Maybe that's a healthy example to use for other forms of government? As a father with my amazing wife, our real governing days are coming to an end. In all, it will last about 25 years total. Our children may take the baton in that arena and start fresh, with some of the foundation that Cheri and I have built. The best form of government is continually being renewed and refreshed, yet built on foundations that are eons old. Now that's beautiful government. Two words you never see together!

My challenge to you when faced with a 'government issue' is to look for the smallest, decentralized, grassroots way to solve it. The answer may be right in front of you and the effect may surprise you.

Thinking between the lines

Your brain thinks way faster than my mouth can speak. Pretty sure the reverse is also true. This fact creates a number of opportunities, challenges and great potential for disaster... or wonder! I'd like to explore that here.

For arguments sake, let's say the typical conversation is equal parts speaking and listening with some moments of silence. By definition the average conversation has to be equal parts talking and listening (assuming that every time you speak I listen )

The portion of time when I'm talking and you're listening, your brain is: 1. making sense of my actual words 2. adjusting the message based on my tones and inflections 3. adjusting the message based on my body language, facial expressions, and many other non-verbal cues 4. wondering where I'm going with this, what my agenda is 5. formulating your response or a way out of this conversation 6. considering the context of this conversation 7. wondering why I chose this shirt with those pants 8. planning your lunch 9. zone/space/airtime 10. adding to or correcting one of these points.

From experience, I know we can do all 10 with time left over in a typical conversation. Right?

Now, consider the fact that most of your time is not in conversation or reading. To be more specific, most of your waking hours are not spent in direct verbal or written communication. Which means that the vast majority of your time is spent not on incoming information. We have a LOT of time to work with.

My premise: Our minds have SO much time in between and during our typical interactions.
My observation: We waste much of that time with: 1. stories that aren't true 2. stories about our stories that may be pointless or worse, harmful.
My theory:   If we can find a way to literally take our thoughts captive, we have the potential for incredible awareness, progress and connection.

I'll stop there for now. What do you THINK??

3 thoughts for 2012. OK maybe one...

I've found that I like to have three words, thoughts or ideas for a season. For the year 2010 the words were Perspective, Shalom, and Incarnate. Obviously they don't lose all meaning when the clock strikes 2011 and in fact, when 2011 came I didn't have something definite to replace them. I did write a blog about the 3 words and as I remember the first two words came and it took awhile for the third to hit. When it did it I knew right away. I still love and treasure the meaning in those 3 words and hope that they continue to grow and permeate my life.

The latest thoughts are: Stay connected, (I completely blanked on the second thought) and live each moment with purpose. I don't edit these posts (except for grammar and structure) and I'm writing off the top of my head so this is what happens when I don't write things down. It's funny that the first two thoughts have been with me for awhile but only in my head. It wasn't until just this week that the third thought formed and now I can't remember the second one. wow...

This takes me on a tangent (which is just another way of saying that I had an agenda for this post that is currently on hold). As I realized that I couldn't recall the second thought I had some quick thoughts of disappointment and a frantic memory search. Then the realization that if I truly dial in the first thought, Stay Connected, all else will fall into place. Maybe I was starting my own religion of "3 thoughts"...by that I mean creating a structure for myself that placed more emphasis on the structure and following the "rules" (even if they were self imposed) than allowing the Life of God to flow through me. So I just added to the title line...

If I live as I was designed to live, in constant connection to God, my life will have meaning, purpose, joy, hope and more in abundance. The challenge is to let go of my agenda, of my small and pitiful ideas of what will bring true joy and satisfaction and trust the author to write my story like I know He has, He can, and He will. This will happen on the macro scale with the 'big' decisions and on the micro scale, the moment by moment awareness of my relationship with God and whether I'm open or closed, running to or avoiding, listening or ignoring. The micro, as it turns out, is more important than the macro as all 'big' decisions are a culmination or result of many small decisions. The most important decision I can make right now is to be as connected to God as the branch is to the vine.

It will be interesting to see if that second thought comes back to me...

when i die

I just had a thought that I wanted to capture about what I hope is said at my memorial service. It's not something I think about often but a facebook post about a funeral by someone else sparked the idea.

"In all the appropriate ways he didn't care what anyone thought. In all other ways, he cared deeply what everyone thought. and listened well"

The Monkey Story

borrowed from Kit Pharro: Email: Kit@PharoCattle.com Website: www.PharoCattle.com

The Monkey Story –

First, you start with a cage containing five monkeys. Inside the cage, hang a banana on a string and place a set of stairs under it. Before long, a monkey will go to the stairs and start to climb towards the banana. As soon as he touches the stairs, spray all of the other monkeys with cold water.

After a while, another monkey makes an attempt with the same result – all the other monkeys are sprayed with cold water. Pretty soon, when another monkey tries to climb the stairs, the other monkeys will try to prevent it.

Now, put away the cold water. Remove one monkey from the cage and replace it with a new one. The new monkey sees the banana and wants to climb the stairs. To his surprise and horror, all the other monkeys attack him. After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs he will be assaulted.

Next, remove another of the original five monkeys and replace it with a new one. The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked, and the previous newcomer takes part in the punishment with enthusiasm! Likewise, replace a third original monkey, then a fourth, and then the fifth.

Every time the newest monkey takes to the stairs, he is attacked. Most of the monkeys that are beating him have no idea why they were not permitted to climb the stairs or why they are participating in the beating of the newest monkey.

After replacing all of the original monkeys, none of the remaining monkeys have ever been sprayed with cold water. Nevertheless, no monkey will ever again approach the stairs to try for the banana. Why not?

Because… as far as they know, that's the way it's always been done around here. And that, my dear friends, is how most ... traditions get started."

what script am i living?

Last week I went to Clarks football teams fundraiser: "comedy night". I don't think the guy told one joke all night but for almost 2 hours he had me laughing harder than I've laughed in at least 10 years. I almost fell out of my chair and kept having to wipe the tears away. He was a hypnotist and he has the special ability of hypnotizing multiple people at once in public. I've seen this from a distance at the OC Fair but didn't stick around long enough to really appreciate what they were doing. He called for volunteers into a crowd of mostly high school students and out of about 300 kids and 20 or so parents, he ended up with about 25 kids on stage, girls and guys- many football players included.

I won't, and shouldn't, recount everything he did with these kids but it was at the same time ROFL funny and completely fascinating. He had them totally under his command and control so that whenever he 'woke' them from their deep sleep they would act immediately on the cue that he had told them about. It's hard to pick my favorites because he raised the bar with each new act. One time he told them that when they heard the phone ring, they needed to quickly answer their 'shoe phone' because it was their favorite celebrity and they needed to tell their favorite celebrity how great they were. And it was ok to exaggerate! Well, he woke them up (and when I say 'woke' I mean they set up straight but were still in a little bit of a daze, not completely limp like they were when they got the instructions) He proceeded to chat with them and as he was talking, his assistant rang a bell. Immediately they ALL grabbed their shoe like a phone and started talking a mile a minute! some were gesturing with their hands and using body language. One guy walked over to the back of the stage and plugged his other ear! Then...the hypnotist proceeded to interview them!!! One girl was talking to Justin Beiber "yeah, baby!" and then another guy said "I'm talking to Taylor Swift!" and when told to tell Taylor something awesome about himself he said "I play football!"

I'm sure that part of what made it so funny was that i knew some of the kids, including big football players who, at one point were told they needed to pose because they were super models. Another time he told two students that they could speak perfect Chinese and also that they were "laughter police" so if they saw anyone in the audience laughing they needed to tell them off. I think that was one time I almost fell out of my chair- watching this guy 'speaking' Chinese and using karate motions as he told off the laughing audience. They must have performed at least 20 different acts that were each better than the one before. Super hilarious!!!

But very fascinating too. I don't know the physiology or psychology of hypnotism but I do know that it's real, that is to say the students were completely under the spell of this guy and they literally were acting in unison like robots. The implications of this are very eye opening. What would a person do if they are under hypnosis? I'm told that normal inhibitions apply so that if someone is told to do something they consider to be wrong, they won't do it. That's nice to know but I have to take this outside the entertainment world and make a life application.

Hypnotism is acting from a script that is placed intentionally in your head. Is not life acting on scripts that are placed intentionally AND unintentionally in our heads by us AND by others? What are the implications of acting on scripts that are placed unintentionally? What are the implications of acting on scrips that are place intentionally by others? Who could others be? What role does TV, movies, music have in placing scripts in our heads? What would prevent a script from being written over to make what once used to be considered wrong, now considered OK?

And now it gets personal. What scripts do I repeat inside my own head (if not actually out loud) that are a life draining, dysfunctional script? "I can't do that", " I suck", " I'm not good at that", " I'll never get there" , "why do bad things always happen to me?" , "I always fail so why try?" and on. and on... What are the consequences of living scripts that are negative and destructive?

Where to find the right scripts? The scripts that are life giving, positive, encouraging and wonderful? The best scripts ever are written by the Author of Life and they can be found scattered throughout SCRIPTURE. How about these? "I'm created to be exactly what God intended me to be","I'm forgiven" "I'm a child of the KING!" "My life is safe and secure in Jesus" "I've been redeemed" "There is NO condemnation for me" "I will reign forever with God"

What scripts are you living? Who gave them to you? Do you want to rewrite some of them?

perspective and string theory

The need for an introduction is present when a thought is about to be downloaded so - (or maybe it's a disclaimer) - warning: this idea is half-baked. do not ingest without proper preparation.

Two people looking at the same object report seeing different shapes. One sees a circle, the other a square. No tricks or gimmicks involved and in fact, they are both right. They then have a conversation about their observations. It could go something like: they both comment, they both doubt the other person, they both doubt themselves, they reassert their view, they don't trust the other person, they stop talking thinking the other person is out of their mind (you really can't confuse a circle with a square).

I've had some conversations like that. It really seemed like there was no room for compromise - a black and white issue.

That's true in a 2 dimensional world. A circle is not a square and there is no middle ground.

Everything changes in a 3 dimensional world. The object above is a cylinder and one view is from the side and the other view is from the front. Each person, from their perspective, sees a different shape yet the true object is greater than either perspective. In fact, it's greater than both perspectives combined.

Translation to life, for me: be aware that there are perspectives different than mine of something that may seem so clear to me.

String theory is way beyond my ability to grasp. My last physics class was all Newtonian and this is quantum mechanics. String theory works in world of 10 dimensions (one version needs 11). This requires serious thinking outside the box because the world we interact with includes 4 dimensions (space x,y,z and time). We (ok, I) don't have the mental framework to imagine a 5th dimension, let alone 6 more dimensions but the formulas all work on this level. This is the place where...no, this is the realm that can have one thing occuping two places at the same time and (where) an x particle can be vibrating and not vibrating at the same time. Does your head hurt yet? There is a point...

Translation to life, for me: whether or not there is actually 6 other dimensions does not affect my reason for living BUT the idea that God lives in all dimensions gives me a tiny idea of how limited my perspective is on ANYTHING and allows a sense of wonder and humility, knowing that God knows all and the best man can do (in this realm) is to chase Him. I can chase Him through science (no thanks, but I'm fascinated by those who do) I can chase Him in many ways and I know that He wants me to. He wants me to "seek His face" I like that. A relationship with the One who knows all AND loves me.

Also: the implications for reconciliation are huge. There is no room for judging. I only know my own perspective. I can expand my perspective by moving closer to you and seeing yours. I can exponentially expand my perspective by moving closer to God and seeing His. The potential for unity through diversity because of wonder and humility is both huge and gratifying.

Miracle from 2009

Another blast from the past that I don't want to forget. This is an email I sent to those who were praying about my stolen laptop:

Before I tell the story I want to thank all of you that prayed, helped, and felt my pain. Even though I was super discouraged at times, I felt very supported. THANKS!!!

Wed, April 15 – early am – my laptop and case were stolen out of my truck in the driveway. I had just put my backup memory stick in the case the day before. My ipod, three check books, credit cards, contractors license card and plenty of paper files and work diary were in the case as well. I filed a police report and got the feeling that it was a lost cause. I sent an email right away to many of you asking to pray for a miracle. That night my neighbor was filing a report for a car stereo also stolen at the same time. (my back up stick was always at the office- I had just decided the day before to bring it home figuring it would be safer. I had 3 years of business history, including templates on Word, Excel, and Project that I had custom made. The loss of this kept sinking in through the week, as I realized the extent of the loss was incalculable)

Most of the rest of the week was spent dealing with banks, credit agencies, and transferring auto debits. The thieves had used my email account for some unethical purposes and had access to all of my contacts- about 1500) I have a blackberry that I sync to my outlook so I did retain my contacts and calendar. Friday I bought a laptop online. I was actually ready for a new one as my Q key doesn’t work.

Saturday a guy from Corona called to say he found some of my paperwork discarded in an empty lot in Corona near his home. (better than nothing but I was still dying inside thinking of the loss)

Sunday Lyle loaned me his laptop to use and Cheri picked up the papers in Corona. The week was better emotionally as I gave up hope and decided to put it behind me and move on.

Thursday I went to my office, ‘read’ the paper (which is more like flipping the pages to see if anything catches my eye). Nothing caught my attention so I threw it out and opened my email to see that Dave sent an article from the Register about an arrest in Laguna Beach involving guys stealing laptops, etc. from vehicles. The guys are from Corona. My hope shot up to a 10 as I made calls to: the reporter, the LB PD, the OC Sheriff and waited.….

Here’s the word from Dave on seeing that article – Dave doesn’t even get the Register and hasn’t read it for over a year. He was taking his wife to the airport early in the morning and happened to see one in an unusual place and decided to pick it up. He never reads the section that the article was in but for ‘some reason’ decided to. When he saw the reference to Corona he thought of me and what I had told him earlier that week.

Thursday morning the LB PD called me and confirmed that the laptop in the article belonged to someone in LB had already been returned (Hope dropped again)

Thursday afternoon investigator Sims says that two suspects have admitted to 5 thefts in my neighborhood (about 15 miles from LB, where they were arrested, and 30 miles from Corona where they live). He told me that they released the suspects and would be working with them that night in Corona in a type of sting operation. (Hope rises again- my buddy Shaun called the hope-o-coaster)

Friday morning, April 24 investigator Sims left a message saying that one suspect said he threw it away (this is 9 days later). The other suspect said he sold it for $100. I didn’t even call the investigator back as hope is now gone for good. In an email to Glen though, I mentioned that a miracle is still possible.

Friday night in the middle of a movie, I recognize the number on my ringing phone as the investigator.

Sims “how ya doin?”

Me “I’m Ok I guess”

Sims “probably be better if you had your laptop, huh?”

Me “are you kidding me?”

Sims “why would I kid you? Come and get it!”

It would have been interesting to see my brain wave and heart graph at that point as the hope meter pegged out.

9:00 pm I had my laptop and it appears that I have not lost any documents or emails. I asked Sims if this was a miracle (rhetorical question to me). Sims “We get really lucky sometimes, this computer had changed hands at least 3 times”

Learnings – oh, forgot to mention that the Monday before the laptop was stolen I got an email from my business coach talking about staying in the learning zone vs. the comfort zone or the panic zone. This idea helped me keep perspective as I also knew that God knew and I could trust him. I realized how much of my identity was wrapped up in what I had done- I felt really lost as all my systems had vanished. I won’t be leaving valuables in my car overnight. Also the investigator told me to not use my remote lock to lock my car. Thieves have technology to intercept the signal and reuse it to unlock later. I also will (and already have) use online back ups. iDrive and Carbonite are two that were recommended. Asking for prayer is critical, I should do it more. Gratitude is a great state of mind.

Thanks again!

J.

an old email

I found this when I was looking for something else. It's the end of email I wrote responding to a business associate who had really disappointed me and my client. It's one of those things I should read more often:

....I have come to the point in my life (it took me long enough) to realize that I can’t do ANYTHING apart from my Creator. Sure, I would have agreed with that intellectually but my life did not demonstrate it. (My personal view of integrity is the size of the gap between what I say I believe and how I actually live). God used some difficult times to show me how desperate life is without Him. It would amaze me that I could go through a difficult time and become so close to God, realizing how I really did need Him and then slowly start thinking that I could do fine on my own and not really keep that relationship alive. I would characterize about 20 years of my life in that cycle. I would like to think that I won’t ever go down that independent path again but, in fact, I start down that path about 30 times a day! It’s just natural to look out for myself and pride has many faces- It’s so unnatural to look to God and beg for help but I realized as our Father, that’s what he wants. He makes a point throughout the Bible in stories and in black and white that He resists the proud and gives grace to the humble. And scripture teaches us to “humble yourself” – interesting that it’s something that I can do myself. Better me than anyone else and better me than God actually. He prefers that I humble myself. How? Whenever I think of it, I ask God to help me. It’s that simple. But He knows my heart, my intentions, my motives and He knows if I’m just repeating some words or if it’s coming from deep within. “Help me” communicates to Him that I need His strength to draw my next breath, to think my next sane thought, to be His light in this world. It also nips pride in the bud. I love watching some baseball players look and point up after a good play or winning the game- it’s a great visual on giving God the credit and not taking it myself. But I’m a work in progress too and I hope that God can use me to cause others to look and point up.

Family letter 2010

Pretty sure this is the final version:

Dear Friends and Family, December 2010

Searching for a common thread for our family from the past year, it’s hard to ignore 5 visits to the ER, 2 casts, a wheelchair, a burial and Thanksgiving day in the hospital. But that would not be the whole story. It would only be the small, surface story and a sad one at that. The whole story is much deeper…Thank God!

Our awareness of the larger story helps us see that even (or especially) in the crisis, tragedy and trauma of our lives, God is working in ways that we hardly ever understand in the moment. Yet, in hindsight, we are in awe of His love and His ways that are beyond our thinking. So we press on, projecting the knowing of hindsight into a faith in the present; that our Father loves us and toward the future; that He will continue to work all things for our good.

Jacob (fractured foot) is getting rave reviews at school once again and seems to be setting the Steele height record each year but still looks up about a foot to Clark (pulled muscle) who enjoyed being part of varsity football this year and moved to the other side of the line as a tight end, now heavier and almost as tall as Dad ( 2 finger injuries) who has restructured his business and just plain glad he has work like Kara (broken leg, bruised everywhere else from a major car accident) who is now an adult(!): working part time, at jr. college part time, and being a good friend full time including to Cheri (severe anemia, surgery) which she really needed as she has had most of the tragedy and trauma this year including the passing of her mother in September, which was completely unexpected. Sometimes life is like the breathless run-on sentence you just read but Marilyn’s passing was like the end of a chapter. A too-sudden end that required putting the book down and absorbing that reality.

Life will go on. It has. But it’s different now. It’s deeper and more fragile. We are reminded of our mortality…then reminded of our immortality. Then we rest, and He restores our souls. And we are so thankful. For Him and many of you that have reached out to our family. We are humbled and encouraged by your love.

Our hope and prayer for you, us and everyone is that we continue to find rest in God, that we continue to follow Jesus as the Way, the Truth, and the Life, and that our awareness and desire for the larger story would cause us to keep seeking the Writer of our story.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

The Steeles: J, Cheri, Kara, Clark, and Jacob

Poverty, cause and cure (personal)

Just writing the title of this gives me a glimpse into the power trip that could influence writers. It took about two seconds to type- betraying the magnitude of the concept conveyed. I read a book a while ago titled "when helping hurts" wherein one of the main points was that we have to expand our view of 'poverty'. The authors explained that poverty is the result of a dysfunctional relationship in one or more of the following areas: with self, with others, with the rest of creation, with God.

The thought that is forming in my mind is: 1) how man has tried in each of these relationships to make it good, to make it right on their own, 2) a typical religious response, and 3) a reconciliation perspective.

First is our relationship with ourself. That's a strange thought in itself- that I could have a relationship with myself- so it's simply how I view myself (past, present, and future). In Maslov's hierarchy the top of the pyramid is 'self-actualization'. In pop psychology the idea is to look within, that all we need is already in us. There are many expressions of this today but the general idea is pretty much the same and permeates everyone to some degree. So we have self-help, self-fulfillment, human potential books, seminars, music, even sermons.

A typical religious response quotes plenty of scripture with the point that there is nothing good about ourselves, we have to die to self, deny self, etc. It can give a person the feeling of shame for just being human. I understand the point and it is based on some truth but if we are taking something away from someone (a faulty understanding of who they are), it would be loving and productive to offer a replacement that is more complete, not just leave them with a guilt/shame judgement.

A reconciliation perspective might look like this. Instead of outright rejecting the idea or reacting to the language, probe to find what is underneath the words to the real needs. Seek first to understand. I can see that this is a common human need and desire: to find my 'true' self and be all that I can be. Instead of squelching that desire, what about asking some questions to encourage a healthy pursuit and fulfillment? "Who made me? Why did he make me? How did he uniquely make me?" Better yet, have that conversation with God. He has created each of us to be unique and like the famous quote which I'm paraphrasing: "the world has yet to see a person who has become all they were created to be" Ok, it saw Jesus so the world has seen one person.

What keeps me from being all that I can be? Heb 12:2 gives me a clue "get rid of sin and the extra weight..." We were born programmed to put self first. God can transform us by the renewing our mind to find our life by losing it. Talk about upside down thinking.

next blog- relationship with others (social)

tribute to mom

I was blessed for 20 years to have two moms. yesterday my second mom left this world. it was quite unexpected as she was in great health and spirits having recovered from recent back surgery. she was 4" taller and quite proud of it. she was (mostly) free of the pain which had been part of her life for 30+ years. her formal relationship to me was mother-in-law but fortunately, we had a great relationship. Cheri would joke to others that her mother (or parents, I can't remember now) thought more of me than her. the truth was that their love is/was so complete that 'more' was not possible. i'm already seeing that it's gonna be hard to write about mom as a separate person from dad. they truly were one, and half of that one is no longer with us...

The short history is that I knew mom and dad stephens before I met Cheri. they were sponsors in the college group at Calvary and I was the missions point man. Cheri was away at school and work in Santa Barbara and they say they introduced us once when she was in town but neither of us remember it (?) So the Stephens were my friends from the very beginning of our knowing each other. As I hear more and more stories from others, this is a common thread- it's not long after they know you that you're friends. So Marilyn, being a travel agent, would help me with airfare when i would visit my parents or go overseas. When i decided to go to Austria to help rebuild a school, she convinced me to stay 4 more weeks and travel around. So I started in London, ended in Madrid and had a wonderful experience with great memories. Thanks mom.

When I met Cheri for the first time (according to us) it was in the context of meeting my friends daughter. That changed pretty fast as it became apparent that there was major mutual attraction :) Mom and dad made it real easy to be part of the family. I always felt total acceptance, respect and love. Thanks mom.

Mom was always 'on', always engaged. Mom had an opinion about almost everything and usually felt free to express it - and even change it midstream. She didn't have that stubborn pride that causes some of us to stick to our opinions long after they've been proven wrong. She would easily admit a faulty view and move on. Mom and I had some disagreements but they were always in the context of mutual love and respect so we didn't take our differences personally. I think it actually added to the respect we had for each other. She was up on current events and could talk to each of her grandkids with relevance. Thanks mom.

When we were in the hospital room on Sunday to say goodbye, the nurse brought us all some lunch. It was good and much appreciated but I thought - wow, this is pitiful compared to past Sunday afternoon feasts with Nana. She's here but not really and the food doesn't even begin to compare with the famous London Broil, or Dutch babies, or .... the list is long. Breakfasts at the cabin were truly epic. Thanks mom.

mom loved people and had special place in her heart for foreigners. her and dad served and ministered to countless students here and overseas over years and years of their faith journey. mom had the obvious gift of hospitality and leveraged it through God's strength to bring many closer to Him. she was a model of sacrificing to serve. When she endured the back pain for 30+ years, she would wince in pain imperceptibly, almost constantly, yet without complaining. When she was close to the end dad put his hand on her head, looked in her face and said "well done good and faithful servant, enter into the joy of your master". yeah. thanks mom

a life like moms can't really be summarized. at least by me. too much. if i had to in one sentence it would be something like "she truly lived and engaged those around her to do the same". Thanks mom.

Thanks for everything. It was a pleasure to know you. To be loved by you. to be part of your family. To eat at your table. To rest in your house. This sounds familiar... and it does give me a taste of heaven. I can only imagine how your reunion was yesterday. Good bye...for now.

Good news

The following is mostly from HomeWord Devotionals [contactus@homeword.com] from their daily email sent on July 7th. I kept it in my inbox for a reminder and now partly because I have a occasional OCD about an empty inbox and partly to keep this more permanent, I have copied it here:

By Mike DeVries

After John was put in prison, Jesus went into Galilee, proclaiming the good news of God. “The time has come,” he said, “The kingdom of God has come near. Repent and believe the good news!" Mark 1:14-15

I’ve been thinking about the “Good News” that Jesus proclaimed. What is it? What makes this news so good to a world in need?

The Good News is the news that my past and my present are not just forgiven, but are made new again – as if it never happened. I am not who I was.

The Good News is the news that what I am going through is not the end of the story. God has the final word – not a diagnosis, a hurtful comment, an abuse, a label, or a broken relationship.

The Good News is that there truly is hope, even when I don’t feel like there is much.

The Good News is the news that God is invading the broken places of my life and beginning the process of making me whole again. He has not only “saved me.” He is also “saving me.”

The Good News is the news that God sees and knows.

The Good News is the news that He cares enough to act.

The Good News is the news that God is restoring and reconciling all things, including all things in heaven and on earth.

The Good News is the news that, in Jesus, heaven has begun to crash into earth.

The Good News is the news that I am invited to be a part of God’s restoration movement, to partner with Him in making all things new again.

The Good News is the news that someday I will see Him face-to-face: My Creator, my Sustainer, my Breath and my Life.

I don’t know about you, but that’s good news to me!

I've been reading "the vine" by Andrew Murray which is based on John 15 and the metaphor of our true life resembling the branch- Jesus as the vine and the gardener is God. My true life, the one I was created for, is completely interdependent and designed to bear fruit. One of the main themes I'm picking up is that since my true life is actually what I was created for, it's not foreign. I may be out of the interdependent mode or habit so the retraining, the rethinking, the discipline of my mind may take some time and effort, but the goal is like coming home again. There is something familiar and comfortable and peaceful about the abiding life. That is good news to me. It's not weird or hard or unnatural. It's actually what my spirit, mind, and body crave and function the best in.

This morning we heard that God's promise to Abraham in Gen 12:3 involves being blessed to be a blessing which is the same as being in the vine to bear fruit. Our true life is not just about being in the vine. That's great and essential but the goal is to be a blessing, to bear fruit. It's awesome that God did not come to Abraham with a short intro and a list of commands but rather a promise. And it's the ultimate win-win: live life the way God designed it and it will spill over to those around me. That is good news. Thank you, Father! I want to always be a fruitful branch, connected and growing

a story in the Story

Yesterday was one of ‘those days’- in a good way! (I'll do my best to hit the highlights knowing that I'm leaving out tons of details)

About a year ago I was asked if I wanted to help a non-profit remodel a house for emancipated foster girls right here in town (thank you Ben M). I had heard about this incredible woman, Laurie, at Saddleback (church) a couple years ago, then read her story in the OC Register and was so impressed with her desire and ambition. I fell over myself trying to say ‘yes’ fast enough and so we started. Because of that project, The Teen Project, the architect asked me if I wanted to play in the annual fundraiser for the local HomeAid chapter by building a playhouse. I went through that open door as well (thank you Greg B) and immediately found myself to be a very small fish in a very big pond. At the first intro lunch I was surrounded by nationwide homebuilders and their teams. Company names you would recognize. Eight of them. I came alone: "Hi, I'm J Steele from Black Diamond Builders" (who?). I found a seat by Caroline and we shared our stories.

Caroline was the daughter of the owner of the host of the lunch party and they donated all the hardware for the playhouses. I told her about The Teen Project and watched her eyes moisten as I described Lauri and her mission with these girls. She told me that she was mentoring a foster girl who would be emancipated in a year and they didn't know what would be next. (btw, the gov’t gives foster kids $ 200 and ‘good luck’ when they turn 18). I connected her with Laurie the next day. Hold that thought.

Also about this time I wanted to connect people at my church, TerraNova, who needed work. I started a group and met Tim T who among other cool things, turned me onto Twitter. My first tweetup was at Boneheads where I watched Rochelle interview Morgan, the owner. I knew (or more like, felt) that Rochelle had an amazing gift and so, as they say, I pondered these things in my heart.

Meanwhile, the summer was a near death blow to my business. I couldn’t donate any more to The Teen Project and another builder stepped in to finish (thanks Scott!). One of many humbling steps in the journey. We finished the playhouse out of sheer something! (definitely a story for another day) and alas, the day to auction drew nigh. By this time I had laid off everyone at work, including my wife and was struggling with money/identity/direction/etc. which you might pick up in previous posts here during that time. I invited Rochelle and Chelsey to the auction party and was overwhelmed by their delight and gratitude. As you know, she did her famous flip video and helped make the night very special. The video made it to the east coast to a national industry magazine, which impressed the locals enough to nominate me to give seminars on social media and to be the VP of Remodelers Council for SoCal. That’s why I say you can’t out give Rochelle- or thank her enough.

Fast forward to yesterday. The Teen Project ribbon cutting ceremony was at noon and I was impressed at the number of people there. I had thought of Caroline earlier in the day, hoping to see her there. I had no idea how big of deal it was. I had to park three blocks away and was stoked to have to walk that far, knowing how many people were either hearing the story for the first time or standing with Laurie and her girls for the umpteenth time. I have plaques from the city, state, and fed officials and was in a boatload of pictures. BUT…my highlight? I saw Caroline, she introduced me to Erika, we caught up and she wrote this email afterward:

------------------------------------------------------------

J –

Great to see you too! You guys really did an awesome job with the house.

I have met Lauri a few times now and she continues to be such an inspiration. She has had Erika in her home multiple times and her generosity and gift for these kids is awe-inspiring!

Thanks again for reaching out that day at the Project Playhouse kick-off. Had it not been for you, this cycle that God created for Erika wouldn’t have existed. God is Good All the Time.

Thanks again,

Caroline

-----------------------------------------

Erika is in the final stages of being accepted to live in this home!

Rochelle has continued to connect me to her community of inspiring people, including Paul who encouraged me to post this.

I feel like I'm living the dream - not the American dream (another story of contrasts!) but much bigger and life giving. Thank you all and God, the master dream weaver!

putting words to the journey

Part of my challenge with blogging/journaling is that words aren't adequate for the thoughts in my head. And then added to that, the thoughts are compounded and it's difficult to draw a boundary because one thing leads to another and the conversation gets as big as life itself.

I'm going to credit Nick T. with this post as he revealed a basic outline to me a couple weeks ago that I've been pondering. We were talking about our journey through life, in faith and how it wasn't what we thought it would be. For some reason, probably human nature combined with miscommunicated teaching, I had expected life to be more linear like a chart or graph that was consistently moving (upward and onward, right?) What I've experienced is more like what Bruce Wilkinson describes as loops. It's more of the "three steps forward, two steps back" or even "TWO steps forward and THREE steps back" feeling. And many of the loops seem to repeat on the same themes. For me, they seem to be about false identity issues. Things that I thought were part of me and took pride in which are being pulled from me. Each new round seems to go a little deeper and while I appreciate the love of God to discipline me, it still hurts because well- it's me. Or at least that's what I thought. So most of the pain is the re-calibrating my sense of 'me' without the issue that is leaving.

Here's a progression that Nick left with me the other day. The spiritual journey starts in the "chaotic/antisocial" phase. Truth is relative and Self is all. A crisis usually causes movement out of this into "formal/institutional" where Religion thrives. Again a crisis of some sort moves a person into "skeptic/individual" which can easily be interpreted as abandonment of faith, but if the formal/institutional is deconstructed in a healthy way, it can lead to the final phase of "mystic/communal" where the wonder and awe of God and His ways begin dawning in fascinating ways- and with others. I remember beginning the skeptic/individual phase and being scared of what I was thinking and processing, some of which is in earlier blogs. In fact, I think I started blogging during this phase as I begin to deconstruct some of the external or extraneous elements of what I thought was faith. It helps me tremendously to know what to expect AND that someone else has 'been there, done that'.

So what IS next? Here's what I expect: more mystery, more community, more pruning, more refining fires, more communion, more peace, more centeredness, more pain, more of Christ in me, more awareness of what God is up to, more perspective on life, more awe at the simple things, more adoration of my Lord, more appreciation of people- each of them a masterpiece in some stage of 'rough', more love, more grace, more mercy, less of the false me. I'm ready.

Thank you!!!

I woke up at 1:30am with so much gratitude it literally felt like my heart would explode. It's an hour later now and, while escaping cardiac arrest, I'm still overwhelmed with thankfulness. My best effort in writing will fall short of the whole emotion and energy of it but, so here it is: God has put people in my life that are just amazing. Maybe they're not celebrities to others but they have affected me to my core in ways that i don't have the vocabulary for. I want to name them all and I still might but i know i wouldn't do justice to the task, too many- and with my memory... well 'nuf said.

My left brain struggles to keep up with my right brain in moments like this but a thought that occurred to me is that I'm reaping what I sowed. Yesterday I was on a high of just pumping others up. I'm not sure what sparked it but it just went all day long- through email, on twitter, in person and in my prayers. I had some kind of increased vision of how special each person was that was in my life, intentional or not, and I just wanted to love them and let them know it. What came back was messages via text, facebook, twitter, email, phone calls and in person that were so encouraging that it's literally overflowing my capacity to feel it all and express it.

How i wish technology could take my heart and put in it writing. words are feeling inadequate. so when i woke up my heart/chest/soul/whatever felt so full that i wondered if I was (physically) OK. My mind kept moving from person to person, thanking God that He connected us (see last post, "like a freeway")

I'm going for it here as this is mainly my journal and if i think of more later, I'll just edit or add a comment :) Cheri, Dad&Mom, Todd, Ben, Kara, Clark, Jacob, Lane&Josie, Jael, Jewel, Jena,Ralph&Jacquie, Christy, Kim, Daniel&Cindy, Jeff&Rocio, Jeff F, Erik R, Eric P, Shaun&Maria, Lyle, David&Karen, John R x 3, Mike, Steve G, Scott W, Harold&Marilyn, Doug&Carol,John S,Gary B x 2, Bob S, Gerardo M, Russ Y, Steve M, Jason L, Phil, Brian T, Annette, Brian G(RIP), Chris L x2, Dan P, Don&Sunbeam, Don M, Dale, Glen R, Glen W x 2, Kenny N, Kenny&Kathy, Kevin (RIP), Gene P, Brett R, Brett S, Gma S (RIP), Gmpa/ma H (RIP), Gina P, Rochelle V, Tim T-S, Claude&Kelley, Mike T, John M, Brian M, Dismas, John S, Mark B, Mark L, Stan S, Chris B, Dave L, Dave A, Chuck A (RIP), Al, Frank, Carl, Randy S, Jeff S, Thom, Kyle, Gordon, Floyd, Louie, Jay, Jon Hx2, Rob H, Jesse G, Jesse L, Jessah P-M, Michelle, Kyoko&Hiro, John&Karen, Mark K, Mark&Yvette, John&Kathy, Ron&Janice, Scott&Kathy, Juan C, Juan&Lydia, Daniel M, Patty L, Doug H, Kristin S, Anne G, Alan D, Cody F, Ron H, John C, Jim E, German&Ester, Milton, Paul T, Bridgett...

Others I can see their face and hear their voice but can't think of their names like my English professor in college-wow, I'm glad I wrote you a letter way back when I remembered. Then there are whole groups/communities that would add hundreds- it's just mind blowing. If this is a small taste of heaven, I'm literally not ready yet for the full deal unless I have the increased capacity to absorb it. Part of me wanted to jump out of bed and start writing thank you notes (note to self-start that habit again) and another part of me just wanted to stay in the moment. It was ecstasy in communion with God- surreal but yet more real, almost like a new dimension. Now it's 3:30 and I'm in wonder of this gift of a moment. To think of having that continual high for eternity is really too much to comprehend. And how to communicate that to others?

This morning I was in a meeting and the MC gave credit to "the universe" for something. I thought, wow, that's about as big as you can get-but so unpersonal. The reality that I have a relationship with it's creator is....well....I'm speechless... with awe and gratitude. Thank you GOD!

Just "THANK YOU" forever....

like the freeway

I was driving on the freeway today and let someone merge when the metaphor hit me: Life is like the freeway. I know, like any analogy, it breaks down at a certain point but the more i thought about it, the more it was very fitting. I'll just stick to the freeway and you can make the connections to life: EVERYTHING I mention is part of the metaphor so take a break if you need- don't speed read this.

I'm on a journey and there are people all around me at this point in my journey. Some are going faster, some slower. 99.99% don't even acknowledge me as a person and I'll never see them again. I have no idea which ones I'll never see again. Some will be near me for almost the whole journey. This is rare but when it happens, there's some kind of bonding that happens. Just a little, I'll be honest- I feel a certain affinity to that CAR- not even the people inside really, because of our shared journey. It always brings a certain joy when I (or the kids) spot the same car 100 miles later. And then there are the cars that I take turns with passing each other and it's kind of fun but I don't know if they are having the same kind of fun I am or if they're actually competing or getting a tude. Ok, sometimes I'm the one competing :) Some enter at one exit and leave at the next and I kind of wonder why they even bothered getting on. (there's that "wonder" word again...)

We all have our own routes which MAY have different starting and stopping points but the reality is: right here and right now I am surrounded by cars (Ok, I'm in SoCal) and we are all moving roughly in the same direction (think hard on that) at sometimes very different speeds. In fact, not rarely enough, a car is stopped on the side with either a mechanical failure, out of gas, or unfortunately- an accident. I usually try to guess why they are stopped, if the reason isn't obvious, as I fly by. If the reason is obvious i tell myself that it would cause too big of a problem if i stopped to help- they probably have help on the way- or, God forbid, they may hurt me. I actually have stopped a few times to help and found the experience quite rewarding. I've also been stopped, by accident or out of gas or transmission, etc. and have been so fortunate to be helped by some very kind souls. When I can't see what the problem is, it makes me wonder...until I get distracted by the next (unexpected lane change, new road sign, funny bumpersticker, etc.) My mind moved on but the stopped car is still there- waiting- for what?

Traffic flows well when we all drive nice and let others merge. Speaking of merging, I always thought that was the main reason for traffic jams, which start with slow downs which start with someone stepping on their brakes and the person behind them didn't allow enough room and had to do the same plus a little more, then the chain reaction started. Margin is a good thing that would avoid the braking->jams->frustration and impatience. But that's just my opinion.

Merging is an interesting ordeal. It's cool when a merge is seamless. It's fun to watch and even more fun to do. So someone enters my life (ooops, I forgot that you're making the metaphor stick) So someone is on the onramp and I can see them in my peripheral vision and my mind begins to subconsciously calculate the rate, distance and timing of their eventual merge. It is interesting that if I'm the one merging, I'm much more tuned into the flow and how I will fit in. On the other hand, if I'm on the main road I'm much less aware of those that would like to join the flow. I can actually ignore them and get away with it because, well, I have the right of way and it's their job to figure out how to fit it, right? I say get away with it but that's not always the case. If I see an 18 wheeler, I will accommodate it much more than I would an economy car because the potential consequences to MY car are vastly different. Plus, I know that truck will go wherever it wants and the economy car understands he's at the bottom of the food chain. I used to drive some fairly old, big and ugly cars. You really want to know, right? Ok, '76 Pacer (ugly) '65 Wildcat (huge,old) 88 Ford F-250 (all the above). Here's how driving the OBU car works: people give you space. They really don't want to get close to you. And they know you have nothing to lose if you get too close so they basically avoid you. Now I drive decent cars and I can feel the difference. Really.

I'm gonna stop here for two reasons: it's late and there's a lot to absorb in the metaphor. I might continue. Or you might comment to continue. But I'll sign off with a few questions:

Where's your journey taking you?

Do you have a map or GPS?

What lane are you in?

How have your merges been?

Are you moving or stopped?

Do you like your car?

Is this post too abstract for your box? :)

My nature

This is copied from a daily email devotional I get from Homeword.com

"The story has been told of a man who while hiking in a desert, stumbled upon a rattlesnake that had become hopelessly wedged between a boulder and some limbs from a fallen tree. The man decided to save the rattlesnake, but in the process the snake tried to bite him. The man tried to free the snake a second time. Again, the snake tried to bite the man. Finally, on the third attempt the man succeeded in freeing the snake. And still, the snake coiled and attempted to strike its liberator. The man’s companion, who had observed from a safe distance, asked the man why he continued to risk himself to free the snake. The man responded, “The snake was attempting to strike because that is its nature. My nature is to love. Should I cease to love because the snake attempts to strike?”

The metaphor is easy. The self-inspection is not so easy. What is my nature?

Sometimes it's the snake. Sad but true...and tempting to delete what i just wrote.

Sometimes it's 'the man', the rescuer as it were.

Why it does it switch? Can I control which nature shows up?

Paul answers this better than I can in the 8th chapter of Romans. Here's my paraphrase summary of a section of that chapter: If I give up control of my corrupt nature, which reeks of death and decay, to the Spirit of God, He lives in me and gives me a new attitude and life that is alive and at peace with God.

So I CAN control.... by giving up control. Counterintuitive but so like God. His 'foolishness' confounding my 'wisdom'. I wouldn't want it any other way :)

3 words for 2010

I've been all over the map in recent years with New Years Resolutions/Goals/ect. and this year I started thinking in terms of key words. The first two came to me in December: Perspective and Shalom. I was hoping the third would come before the first (for some reason I thought I "needed" three). Since it wasn't making itself known I had thoughts of just going with two. After all, these two are meta-theme type words that are very all encompassing so the third, if it were forced, may seem like a afterthought; the runt of the litter that would die an early death. I decided I would wait for the third but I grew impatient and tried to force it. Some of my forced ideas were "smile" and "action"- wow...

This morning we were meeting with our faith community and the message gave me my third word. I knew it the second I heard it! Incarnation. Another word pregnant (pardon the near pun) with meaning. Perfect and powerful! More on each next post....

Promises

In with the new year, and decade. A traditional time for resolutions, or promises. This is from Kit Pharo at Kit@PharoCattle.com who sends a weekly email. There's more to it but these are the words from a hymn that I grew up signing and I can still picture Tallin Church. My mental picture always comes from the left side of the aisle and some key people who were actually very good singers, are part of my mental picture. If the picture comes from recent years, then Gene is at the helm with story, scripture, and song weaving the message of faith to 50 or so of us midwest farmer/ranchers. Here's the song, Standing on the Promises: (note the verbs)

Verse 1:
Standing on the promises of Christ my King,
Through eternal ages let His praises ring;
Glory in the highest, I will shout and sing,
Standing on the promises of God.

Chorus (sung after each verse):
Standing, standing,
Standing on the promises of God my Savior;
Standing, standing,
I’m standing on the promises of God.

Verse 2:
Standing on the promises that cannot fail,
When the howling storms of doubt and fear assail,
By the living Word of God I shall prevail,
Standing on the promises of God.

Verse 3:
Standing on the promises of Christ the Lord,
Bound to Him eternally by love’s strong cord,
Overcoming daily with the Spirit’s sword,
Standing on the promises of God.

Verse 4:

Standing on the promises, I cannot fall,

Listening every moment to the Spirit’s call,

Resting in my Savior as my all in all,
Standing on the promises of God.

And scripture at the bottom by Kit:

…he (God) has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them we may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires. 2 Peter 1:4

So through the promises (standing, overcoming, listening, resting) I can participate in the divine nature (Christ in me, me in Christ) and escape the dysfunctional stories that surround me. Sounds like a great way to start the year!