perspective and string theory

The need for an introduction is present when a thought is about to be downloaded so - (or maybe it's a disclaimer) - warning: this idea is half-baked. do not ingest without proper preparation.

Two people looking at the same object report seeing different shapes. One sees a circle, the other a square. No tricks or gimmicks involved and in fact, they are both right. They then have a conversation about their observations. It could go something like: they both comment, they both doubt the other person, they both doubt themselves, they reassert their view, they don't trust the other person, they stop talking thinking the other person is out of their mind (you really can't confuse a circle with a square).

I've had some conversations like that. It really seemed like there was no room for compromise - a black and white issue.

That's true in a 2 dimensional world. A circle is not a square and there is no middle ground.

Everything changes in a 3 dimensional world. The object above is a cylinder and one view is from the side and the other view is from the front. Each person, from their perspective, sees a different shape yet the true object is greater than either perspective. In fact, it's greater than both perspectives combined.

Translation to life, for me: be aware that there are perspectives different than mine of something that may seem so clear to me.

String theory is way beyond my ability to grasp. My last physics class was all Newtonian and this is quantum mechanics. String theory works in world of 10 dimensions (one version needs 11). This requires serious thinking outside the box because the world we interact with includes 4 dimensions (space x,y,z and time). We (ok, I) don't have the mental framework to imagine a 5th dimension, let alone 6 more dimensions but the formulas all work on this level. This is the place where...no, this is the realm that can have one thing occuping two places at the same time and (where) an x particle can be vibrating and not vibrating at the same time. Does your head hurt yet? There is a point...

Translation to life, for me: whether or not there is actually 6 other dimensions does not affect my reason for living BUT the idea that God lives in all dimensions gives me a tiny idea of how limited my perspective is on ANYTHING and allows a sense of wonder and humility, knowing that God knows all and the best man can do (in this realm) is to chase Him. I can chase Him through science (no thanks, but I'm fascinated by those who do) I can chase Him in many ways and I know that He wants me to. He wants me to "seek His face" I like that. A relationship with the One who knows all AND loves me.

Also: the implications for reconciliation are huge. There is no room for judging. I only know my own perspective. I can expand my perspective by moving closer to you and seeing yours. I can exponentially expand my perspective by moving closer to God and seeing His. The potential for unity through diversity because of wonder and humility is both huge and gratifying.

Miracle from 2009

Another blast from the past that I don't want to forget. This is an email I sent to those who were praying about my stolen laptop:

Before I tell the story I want to thank all of you that prayed, helped, and felt my pain. Even though I was super discouraged at times, I felt very supported. THANKS!!!

Wed, April 15 – early am – my laptop and case were stolen out of my truck in the driveway. I had just put my backup memory stick in the case the day before. My ipod, three check books, credit cards, contractors license card and plenty of paper files and work diary were in the case as well. I filed a police report and got the feeling that it was a lost cause. I sent an email right away to many of you asking to pray for a miracle. That night my neighbor was filing a report for a car stereo also stolen at the same time. (my back up stick was always at the office- I had just decided the day before to bring it home figuring it would be safer. I had 3 years of business history, including templates on Word, Excel, and Project that I had custom made. The loss of this kept sinking in through the week, as I realized the extent of the loss was incalculable)

Most of the rest of the week was spent dealing with banks, credit agencies, and transferring auto debits. The thieves had used my email account for some unethical purposes and had access to all of my contacts- about 1500) I have a blackberry that I sync to my outlook so I did retain my contacts and calendar. Friday I bought a laptop online. I was actually ready for a new one as my Q key doesn’t work.

Saturday a guy from Corona called to say he found some of my paperwork discarded in an empty lot in Corona near his home. (better than nothing but I was still dying inside thinking of the loss)

Sunday Lyle loaned me his laptop to use and Cheri picked up the papers in Corona. The week was better emotionally as I gave up hope and decided to put it behind me and move on.

Thursday I went to my office, ‘read’ the paper (which is more like flipping the pages to see if anything catches my eye). Nothing caught my attention so I threw it out and opened my email to see that Dave sent an article from the Register about an arrest in Laguna Beach involving guys stealing laptops, etc. from vehicles. The guys are from Corona. My hope shot up to a 10 as I made calls to: the reporter, the LB PD, the OC Sheriff and waited.….

Here’s the word from Dave on seeing that article – Dave doesn’t even get the Register and hasn’t read it for over a year. He was taking his wife to the airport early in the morning and happened to see one in an unusual place and decided to pick it up. He never reads the section that the article was in but for ‘some reason’ decided to. When he saw the reference to Corona he thought of me and what I had told him earlier that week.

Thursday morning the LB PD called me and confirmed that the laptop in the article belonged to someone in LB had already been returned (Hope dropped again)

Thursday afternoon investigator Sims says that two suspects have admitted to 5 thefts in my neighborhood (about 15 miles from LB, where they were arrested, and 30 miles from Corona where they live). He told me that they released the suspects and would be working with them that night in Corona in a type of sting operation. (Hope rises again- my buddy Shaun called the hope-o-coaster)

Friday morning, April 24 investigator Sims left a message saying that one suspect said he threw it away (this is 9 days later). The other suspect said he sold it for $100. I didn’t even call the investigator back as hope is now gone for good. In an email to Glen though, I mentioned that a miracle is still possible.

Friday night in the middle of a movie, I recognize the number on my ringing phone as the investigator.

Sims “how ya doin?”

Me “I’m Ok I guess”

Sims “probably be better if you had your laptop, huh?”

Me “are you kidding me?”

Sims “why would I kid you? Come and get it!”

It would have been interesting to see my brain wave and heart graph at that point as the hope meter pegged out.

9:00 pm I had my laptop and it appears that I have not lost any documents or emails. I asked Sims if this was a miracle (rhetorical question to me). Sims “We get really lucky sometimes, this computer had changed hands at least 3 times”

Learnings – oh, forgot to mention that the Monday before the laptop was stolen I got an email from my business coach talking about staying in the learning zone vs. the comfort zone or the panic zone. This idea helped me keep perspective as I also knew that God knew and I could trust him. I realized how much of my identity was wrapped up in what I had done- I felt really lost as all my systems had vanished. I won’t be leaving valuables in my car overnight. Also the investigator told me to not use my remote lock to lock my car. Thieves have technology to intercept the signal and reuse it to unlock later. I also will (and already have) use online back ups. iDrive and Carbonite are two that were recommended. Asking for prayer is critical, I should do it more. Gratitude is a great state of mind.

Thanks again!

J.

an old email

I found this when I was looking for something else. It's the end of email I wrote responding to a business associate who had really disappointed me and my client. It's one of those things I should read more often:

....I have come to the point in my life (it took me long enough) to realize that I can’t do ANYTHING apart from my Creator. Sure, I would have agreed with that intellectually but my life did not demonstrate it. (My personal view of integrity is the size of the gap between what I say I believe and how I actually live). God used some difficult times to show me how desperate life is without Him. It would amaze me that I could go through a difficult time and become so close to God, realizing how I really did need Him and then slowly start thinking that I could do fine on my own and not really keep that relationship alive. I would characterize about 20 years of my life in that cycle. I would like to think that I won’t ever go down that independent path again but, in fact, I start down that path about 30 times a day! It’s just natural to look out for myself and pride has many faces- It’s so unnatural to look to God and beg for help but I realized as our Father, that’s what he wants. He makes a point throughout the Bible in stories and in black and white that He resists the proud and gives grace to the humble. And scripture teaches us to “humble yourself” – interesting that it’s something that I can do myself. Better me than anyone else and better me than God actually. He prefers that I humble myself. How? Whenever I think of it, I ask God to help me. It’s that simple. But He knows my heart, my intentions, my motives and He knows if I’m just repeating some words or if it’s coming from deep within. “Help me” communicates to Him that I need His strength to draw my next breath, to think my next sane thought, to be His light in this world. It also nips pride in the bud. I love watching some baseball players look and point up after a good play or winning the game- it’s a great visual on giving God the credit and not taking it myself. But I’m a work in progress too and I hope that God can use me to cause others to look and point up.

Family letter 2010

Pretty sure this is the final version:

Dear Friends and Family, December 2010

Searching for a common thread for our family from the past year, it’s hard to ignore 5 visits to the ER, 2 casts, a wheelchair, a burial and Thanksgiving day in the hospital. But that would not be the whole story. It would only be the small, surface story and a sad one at that. The whole story is much deeper…Thank God!

Our awareness of the larger story helps us see that even (or especially) in the crisis, tragedy and trauma of our lives, God is working in ways that we hardly ever understand in the moment. Yet, in hindsight, we are in awe of His love and His ways that are beyond our thinking. So we press on, projecting the knowing of hindsight into a faith in the present; that our Father loves us and toward the future; that He will continue to work all things for our good.

Jacob (fractured foot) is getting rave reviews at school once again and seems to be setting the Steele height record each year but still looks up about a foot to Clark (pulled muscle) who enjoyed being part of varsity football this year and moved to the other side of the line as a tight end, now heavier and almost as tall as Dad ( 2 finger injuries) who has restructured his business and just plain glad he has work like Kara (broken leg, bruised everywhere else from a major car accident) who is now an adult(!): working part time, at jr. college part time, and being a good friend full time including to Cheri (severe anemia, surgery) which she really needed as she has had most of the tragedy and trauma this year including the passing of her mother in September, which was completely unexpected. Sometimes life is like the breathless run-on sentence you just read but Marilyn’s passing was like the end of a chapter. A too-sudden end that required putting the book down and absorbing that reality.

Life will go on. It has. But it’s different now. It’s deeper and more fragile. We are reminded of our mortality…then reminded of our immortality. Then we rest, and He restores our souls. And we are so thankful. For Him and many of you that have reached out to our family. We are humbled and encouraged by your love.

Our hope and prayer for you, us and everyone is that we continue to find rest in God, that we continue to follow Jesus as the Way, the Truth, and the Life, and that our awareness and desire for the larger story would cause us to keep seeking the Writer of our story.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

The Steeles: J, Cheri, Kara, Clark, and Jacob

Poverty, cause and cure (personal)

Just writing the title of this gives me a glimpse into the power trip that could influence writers. It took about two seconds to type- betraying the magnitude of the concept conveyed. I read a book a while ago titled "when helping hurts" wherein one of the main points was that we have to expand our view of 'poverty'. The authors explained that poverty is the result of a dysfunctional relationship in one or more of the following areas: with self, with others, with the rest of creation, with God.

The thought that is forming in my mind is: 1) how man has tried in each of these relationships to make it good, to make it right on their own, 2) a typical religious response, and 3) a reconciliation perspective.

First is our relationship with ourself. That's a strange thought in itself- that I could have a relationship with myself- so it's simply how I view myself (past, present, and future). In Maslov's hierarchy the top of the pyramid is 'self-actualization'. In pop psychology the idea is to look within, that all we need is already in us. There are many expressions of this today but the general idea is pretty much the same and permeates everyone to some degree. So we have self-help, self-fulfillment, human potential books, seminars, music, even sermons.

A typical religious response quotes plenty of scripture with the point that there is nothing good about ourselves, we have to die to self, deny self, etc. It can give a person the feeling of shame for just being human. I understand the point and it is based on some truth but if we are taking something away from someone (a faulty understanding of who they are), it would be loving and productive to offer a replacement that is more complete, not just leave them with a guilt/shame judgement.

A reconciliation perspective might look like this. Instead of outright rejecting the idea or reacting to the language, probe to find what is underneath the words to the real needs. Seek first to understand. I can see that this is a common human need and desire: to find my 'true' self and be all that I can be. Instead of squelching that desire, what about asking some questions to encourage a healthy pursuit and fulfillment? "Who made me? Why did he make me? How did he uniquely make me?" Better yet, have that conversation with God. He has created each of us to be unique and like the famous quote which I'm paraphrasing: "the world has yet to see a person who has become all they were created to be" Ok, it saw Jesus so the world has seen one person.

What keeps me from being all that I can be? Heb 12:2 gives me a clue "get rid of sin and the extra weight..." We were born programmed to put self first. God can transform us by the renewing our mind to find our life by losing it. Talk about upside down thinking.

next blog- relationship with others (social)

tribute to mom

I was blessed for 20 years to have two moms. yesterday my second mom left this world. it was quite unexpected as she was in great health and spirits having recovered from recent back surgery. she was 4" taller and quite proud of it. she was (mostly) free of the pain which had been part of her life for 30+ years. her formal relationship to me was mother-in-law but fortunately, we had a great relationship. Cheri would joke to others that her mother (or parents, I can't remember now) thought more of me than her. the truth was that their love is/was so complete that 'more' was not possible. i'm already seeing that it's gonna be hard to write about mom as a separate person from dad. they truly were one, and half of that one is no longer with us...

The short history is that I knew mom and dad stephens before I met Cheri. they were sponsors in the college group at Calvary and I was the missions point man. Cheri was away at school and work in Santa Barbara and they say they introduced us once when she was in town but neither of us remember it (?) So the Stephens were my friends from the very beginning of our knowing each other. As I hear more and more stories from others, this is a common thread- it's not long after they know you that you're friends. So Marilyn, being a travel agent, would help me with airfare when i would visit my parents or go overseas. When i decided to go to Austria to help rebuild a school, she convinced me to stay 4 more weeks and travel around. So I started in London, ended in Madrid and had a wonderful experience with great memories. Thanks mom.

When I met Cheri for the first time (according to us) it was in the context of meeting my friends daughter. That changed pretty fast as it became apparent that there was major mutual attraction :) Mom and dad made it real easy to be part of the family. I always felt total acceptance, respect and love. Thanks mom.

Mom was always 'on', always engaged. Mom had an opinion about almost everything and usually felt free to express it - and even change it midstream. She didn't have that stubborn pride that causes some of us to stick to our opinions long after they've been proven wrong. She would easily admit a faulty view and move on. Mom and I had some disagreements but they were always in the context of mutual love and respect so we didn't take our differences personally. I think it actually added to the respect we had for each other. She was up on current events and could talk to each of her grandkids with relevance. Thanks mom.

When we were in the hospital room on Sunday to say goodbye, the nurse brought us all some lunch. It was good and much appreciated but I thought - wow, this is pitiful compared to past Sunday afternoon feasts with Nana. She's here but not really and the food doesn't even begin to compare with the famous London Broil, or Dutch babies, or .... the list is long. Breakfasts at the cabin were truly epic. Thanks mom.

mom loved people and had special place in her heart for foreigners. her and dad served and ministered to countless students here and overseas over years and years of their faith journey. mom had the obvious gift of hospitality and leveraged it through God's strength to bring many closer to Him. she was a model of sacrificing to serve. When she endured the back pain for 30+ years, she would wince in pain imperceptibly, almost constantly, yet without complaining. When she was close to the end dad put his hand on her head, looked in her face and said "well done good and faithful servant, enter into the joy of your master". yeah. thanks mom

a life like moms can't really be summarized. at least by me. too much. if i had to in one sentence it would be something like "she truly lived and engaged those around her to do the same". Thanks mom.

Thanks for everything. It was a pleasure to know you. To be loved by you. to be part of your family. To eat at your table. To rest in your house. This sounds familiar... and it does give me a taste of heaven. I can only imagine how your reunion was yesterday. Good bye...for now.

Good news

The following is mostly from HomeWord Devotionals [contactus@homeword.com] from their daily email sent on July 7th. I kept it in my inbox for a reminder and now partly because I have a occasional OCD about an empty inbox and partly to keep this more permanent, I have copied it here:

By Mike DeVries

After John was put in prison, Jesus went into Galilee, proclaiming the good news of God. “The time has come,” he said, “The kingdom of God has come near. Repent and believe the good news!" Mark 1:14-15

I’ve been thinking about the “Good News” that Jesus proclaimed. What is it? What makes this news so good to a world in need?

The Good News is the news that my past and my present are not just forgiven, but are made new again – as if it never happened. I am not who I was.

The Good News is the news that what I am going through is not the end of the story. God has the final word – not a diagnosis, a hurtful comment, an abuse, a label, or a broken relationship.

The Good News is that there truly is hope, even when I don’t feel like there is much.

The Good News is the news that God is invading the broken places of my life and beginning the process of making me whole again. He has not only “saved me.” He is also “saving me.”

The Good News is the news that God sees and knows.

The Good News is the news that He cares enough to act.

The Good News is the news that God is restoring and reconciling all things, including all things in heaven and on earth.

The Good News is the news that, in Jesus, heaven has begun to crash into earth.

The Good News is the news that I am invited to be a part of God’s restoration movement, to partner with Him in making all things new again.

The Good News is the news that someday I will see Him face-to-face: My Creator, my Sustainer, my Breath and my Life.

I don’t know about you, but that’s good news to me!

I've been reading "the vine" by Andrew Murray which is based on John 15 and the metaphor of our true life resembling the branch- Jesus as the vine and the gardener is God. My true life, the one I was created for, is completely interdependent and designed to bear fruit. One of the main themes I'm picking up is that since my true life is actually what I was created for, it's not foreign. I may be out of the interdependent mode or habit so the retraining, the rethinking, the discipline of my mind may take some time and effort, but the goal is like coming home again. There is something familiar and comfortable and peaceful about the abiding life. That is good news to me. It's not weird or hard or unnatural. It's actually what my spirit, mind, and body crave and function the best in.

This morning we heard that God's promise to Abraham in Gen 12:3 involves being blessed to be a blessing which is the same as being in the vine to bear fruit. Our true life is not just about being in the vine. That's great and essential but the goal is to be a blessing, to bear fruit. It's awesome that God did not come to Abraham with a short intro and a list of commands but rather a promise. And it's the ultimate win-win: live life the way God designed it and it will spill over to those around me. That is good news. Thank you, Father! I want to always be a fruitful branch, connected and growing