My nature

This is copied from a daily email devotional I get from Homeword.com

"The story has been told of a man who while hiking in a desert, stumbled upon a rattlesnake that had become hopelessly wedged between a boulder and some limbs from a fallen tree. The man decided to save the rattlesnake, but in the process the snake tried to bite him. The man tried to free the snake a second time. Again, the snake tried to bite the man. Finally, on the third attempt the man succeeded in freeing the snake. And still, the snake coiled and attempted to strike its liberator. The man’s companion, who had observed from a safe distance, asked the man why he continued to risk himself to free the snake. The man responded, “The snake was attempting to strike because that is its nature. My nature is to love. Should I cease to love because the snake attempts to strike?”

The metaphor is easy. The self-inspection is not so easy. What is my nature?

Sometimes it's the snake. Sad but true...and tempting to delete what i just wrote.

Sometimes it's 'the man', the rescuer as it were.

Why it does it switch? Can I control which nature shows up?

Paul answers this better than I can in the 8th chapter of Romans. Here's my paraphrase summary of a section of that chapter: If I give up control of my corrupt nature, which reeks of death and decay, to the Spirit of God, He lives in me and gives me a new attitude and life that is alive and at peace with God.

So I CAN control.... by giving up control. Counterintuitive but so like God. His 'foolishness' confounding my 'wisdom'. I wouldn't want it any other way :)

3 words for 2010

I've been all over the map in recent years with New Years Resolutions/Goals/ect. and this year I started thinking in terms of key words. The first two came to me in December: Perspective and Shalom. I was hoping the third would come before the first (for some reason I thought I "needed" three). Since it wasn't making itself known I had thoughts of just going with two. After all, these two are meta-theme type words that are very all encompassing so the third, if it were forced, may seem like a afterthought; the runt of the litter that would die an early death. I decided I would wait for the third but I grew impatient and tried to force it. Some of my forced ideas were "smile" and "action"- wow...

This morning we were meeting with our faith community and the message gave me my third word. I knew it the second I heard it! Incarnation. Another word pregnant (pardon the near pun) with meaning. Perfect and powerful! More on each next post....

Promises

In with the new year, and decade. A traditional time for resolutions, or promises. This is from Kit Pharo at Kit@PharoCattle.com who sends a weekly email. There's more to it but these are the words from a hymn that I grew up signing and I can still picture Tallin Church. My mental picture always comes from the left side of the aisle and some key people who were actually very good singers, are part of my mental picture. If the picture comes from recent years, then Gene is at the helm with story, scripture, and song weaving the message of faith to 50 or so of us midwest farmer/ranchers. Here's the song, Standing on the Promises: (note the verbs)

Verse 1:
Standing on the promises of Christ my King,
Through eternal ages let His praises ring;
Glory in the highest, I will shout and sing,
Standing on the promises of God.

Chorus (sung after each verse):
Standing, standing,
Standing on the promises of God my Savior;
Standing, standing,
I’m standing on the promises of God.

Verse 2:
Standing on the promises that cannot fail,
When the howling storms of doubt and fear assail,
By the living Word of God I shall prevail,
Standing on the promises of God.

Verse 3:
Standing on the promises of Christ the Lord,
Bound to Him eternally by love’s strong cord,
Overcoming daily with the Spirit’s sword,
Standing on the promises of God.

Verse 4:

Standing on the promises, I cannot fall,

Listening every moment to the Spirit’s call,

Resting in my Savior as my all in all,
Standing on the promises of God.

And scripture at the bottom by Kit:

…he (God) has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them we may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires. 2 Peter 1:4

So through the promises (standing, overcoming, listening, resting) I can participate in the divine nature (Christ in me, me in Christ) and escape the dysfunctional stories that surround me. Sounds like a great way to start the year!

Resolved?

A friend from Africa said that he wished for me whatever I wished for 2010. About 3 weeks ago I made a list of decisions or mindsets that I wish to be more aware of and resolve to make the right choice:

Isolate vs. Engage

Initiative vs. Apathy

Control vs. Surrender

Anxiety vs. Peace/Trust

Gratitude vs. Complaining

Willing submission vs. Independent, stubborn pride

Eyes wide open for miracles vs. eyes down and inward

Possibility vs. Problems

Trying to figure it all out vs. Letting it go

Serving others vs. My own agenda

Desire to be right vs. Give affirmation

Inspire others vs. Comfort myself

In summary, I wish to be more of what I was created to be: in right relationship with God and others – to be whole – Shalom.

Happy New Year!

If your day will be busy

An analogy that is stuck in my head is about the two men racing to cut down a tree. One man starts hacking away immediately and the other sharpens his axe for the first thirty minutes. You know who wins. I know how this applies to my day, my life. Why don't I sharpen the axe every day? What does it mean to sharpen my axe? The link below says it best (and it was written more than 100 years ago). Personally, it means to: connect with my creator, remind myself of truth, put my day and all my aspirations in His hands THEN start chopping...

http://gracegems.org/Miller/for_a_busy_day.htm

Thank you Lois via mom!

Caution - pruning in process, get real

Thanks to Sharon encouraging me to keep this up or I might have have abandoned the blog. I know it's a great outlet for me and I don't journal like I used to (why?- it's so healthy for me...)
Frankly, the last 7 months have been a time of pruning. Pruning is such an innocent sounding word for all the stress and confusion that surrounds it. There's no way to get the full flavor here but I'll hit the 'highlights'. [big sigh]
It all started when I got completely real with God 25 years ago and told him that he could do with me whatever he wanted because i was done with my life in terms of control. I've re-upped on that deal from time to time when I've sensed that I'm taking back control or taking credit for my life. God keeps his end of the bargain very well and doesn't always wait for me to sense (again) my utter dependance on him to keep the process moving forward.
This latest round has the surface look of finacial problems. Little to no work, bills that aren't being paid, wondering what changes will come if this continues...
Money is a constant theme in scripture and I know it's a big indicator of our relationship with God. I've never seen myself of having a good handle on money so the pride wasn't directly in that. The pride was more in the idea that I thought my reputation at work was so good that I would never lack for it. I was the provider for my family and they were all just fine, thank you. We didn't have luxeries or feel the need to keep up with the Jones' but that was also a convuluted form of spiritual pride. What amazes me is how pride can work into any agenda that isn't truly of God.
I took pride in being punctual, current, responsible and all those good things and God gently took those away from me. I say gently with total sincerity because I know it could have been way more disruptive. Here's the core idea, as I see it: God is removing layers of my identity which I had constructed. WHY I constructed this is a good question. Was I living off others' scripts? Did I care more about what other people thought than what God thinks? And the human justification is always presenting itself: it's good business to be punctual, to pay my bills on time, to respond to clients and prospects in a timely and thourough way. And that's where it gets tricky because the answer is yes. I certainly don't think that God would want me to be the opposite and yet, it seems that He has caused (crippled) me to not be able to BE what I thought i WAS. He did it to show me who I really am without Him. I won't go into all the details, partly because I don't know them but when I see a glimpse of who I am without Him, it is a picture that it alternately pathetic (thanks Brett) and scary.
So he has me on a journey that is part of His big story and part of my story. The current journey is an identity crisis. I think that term gets thrown around alot so here's what it looks like to me right now: God is removing identifiers in and around me that obstruct or blur a clear view that others might have of his Son. Some of these may have seemed good but they were tainted with pride, the idea that somehow I could take credit for it. This process has to involve extended times because it's change (another blog later on change requiring time and what it will mean to live without time...) Something about being human requires time and repeated experiences to produce a paradigm shift. Paul had a dramatic conversion but then spent 3 or so years in the desert being instructed, undergoing a big mind shift. And while I would love this to be over sooner than later, I understand that the longer it continues, the deeper it's ingrained in me that he loves me enough to discipline me and wants to conform me to the image of his Son.
Two of the issues that I have to deal with on daily basis because of this: 1) how do I answer people that ask me how I'm doing? The poser needs to be gone but I also want to be positive. Ultimately this whole thing IS positive, it just doesn't feel that way much of the time. This has helped me to reframe my thinking to view my situation through God's eyes instead of viewing God through the lens of my situation. 2) how do I pursue work and connections with the energy and hope that i usually have when I don't know how long God will continue this drought and possibly even directing me to something else?
Shaun gave me a book called "isolation" that was perfect for me at this time. Someone gave it to him when he needed it and now he sensed it was my turn. It is HUGE when someone can accurately describe what's going on, identify it, and help you through it. David, Jeff, John, Daniel and many others including two small groups have come alongside in different ways to help me experience and therefore, more fully understand the importance of the body healing itself (when connected to the head)
I don't doubt Gods presence or his love for me. In fact, it has only been strengthened during this time. I like Job's perspective 'though he slay me, yet will i trust him' Call it the ultimate Stockholm syndrome. I want to so identify and empathize with my captor that I can't imagine being independant.
The bottom line for me: STAY CONNECTED - I have to be OK with the yellow flag warning that I get when disconnection produces insecurity, anxiety, apathy, anger and other disfuctional responses. I used to ignore and deny this which would require masking, posing, etc. Connection to God AND to others. Engage, be interested, help, encourage. My default is to
The byproduct of connection is awareness and guidance. I want to be more aware of Gods' big story. I suppose there's some balance between being aware of God's big story and what He's up to specifically with me but if I truly am connected then it's all working together. If I get too distracted and theoritcal with the big story then maybe that's another yellow flag.
I pray that John 15 marinates in my life and my branch is always in the true vine.
Your's too

ski lift philosophy

First a disclaimer - this may be similar to "arm chair quarterbacking" because I'm not a philosopher by trade or training, I just like to play at it. So anyways...

I was sitting on the chairlift today and had some time to think about more than planning my next route down the mountain. I think it started with the idea of control and oh yeah, I was thinking that I wasn't as obsessive/compulsive about tying up all the loose ends before leaving on vacation. I was reminded today of a couple things that I didn't take care of (oops) by the guys at work. So I asked myself why and is that a good thing and how do I move away from being a control freak but not toward being careless or apathetic (I know the answer is "carefully"- very funny). This sparked a thought into a much bigger arena which I will do my best to describe. (remember the disclaimer before reading on)

It seems to be human nature to want to figure it all out- to make sense of our existence in a general, philosophical sense as well as all of the details. So mankind, in every culture throughout history has developed overarching themes, stories, religions, and philosophies to explain life. Even if someone claims to be independent of all of this, they are still living from some type of script, whether consciously or not. (oh, and excuse my grammar)It seems that the authors of any given script always make their own people out to be the best, the 'good', the right and preferred.

I have lived from a script inherited from my parents. I've lived from a similar script contained in the community. In a general sense, I've lived from a script that is common in our country and in western civilization. That script has always represented truth to me. The unsettling thought that usually is repressed is "how can everyone on earth have conflicting stories/philosophies/religions and think that WE are right, WE are the chosen ones, WE have truth" when everyone else has the same thought. It's easy to believe the script when you're surrounded by all the reinforcing script writers. What if I'm immersed into a foreign culture with a completely different or even opposite script? And so (sidenote) this is how the majority get complacent, the minority have more of a determination to rock the status quo and history keeps repeating itself.

In the interest of staying focused, this was where my thoughts went on the chairlift (yeah it was a long lift). There is a danger in thinking that we have life all figured out, that we can make sense of the minutiae. I think there is a condition called "wonder" that is healthy. Healthy because it's real. It lines up with reality better than thinking we understand how it all works. Historically it seems that when a script gets too defined and rigid, it loses it's life and becomes the status quo. Even the minority roles that seeks to usurp the old status quo can become the new status quo.

Challenge to self: is there a way to avoid the trend toward lifeless dogma? There is an answer, but be careful, because the answer can itself become lifeless dogma. (We can turn anything new and fresh and exciting into tiresome rules and formulas given enough time) The answer is a personal relationship with my Creator. Now life takes a whole fresh meaning (if I let Him open my mind in wonder and don't blindly accept the dogma that's been scripted about Him, but read His own script through new, fresh eyes) If I try to see it through His eyes- how sad that people have preconceived ideas that keep them from approaching Him! How hurtful to see Yourself misrepresented by so many in religious authority. How much He wants to include you and I into His community but will not force the issue (can one force love, even if they are all powerful?) What can I do today to discover the real Lover of my soul and work past the scripts that might not be representing Him well? It may involve deconstructing of some familiar storylines, replaced with constructing on Truth (as in a person, not a script)

My concluding thought on the lift: I want to always be in a posture of wonder. I don't have to try to pigeon hole everybody and every situation. God knows and I will trust Him, he has proven Himself to me beyond any shadow of a doubt. Ever wonder what God is up to in a certain situation, how he's working in someone? I wonder....