Poverty, cause and cure (personal)

Just writing the title of this gives me a glimpse into the power trip that could influence writers. It took about two seconds to type- betraying the magnitude of the concept conveyed. I read a book a while ago titled "when helping hurts" wherein one of the main points was that we have to expand our view of 'poverty'. The authors explained that poverty is the result of a dysfunctional relationship in one or more of the following areas: with self, with others, with the rest of creation, with God.

The thought that is forming in my mind is: 1) how man has tried in each of these relationships to make it good, to make it right on their own, 2) a typical religious response, and 3) a reconciliation perspective.

First is our relationship with ourself. That's a strange thought in itself- that I could have a relationship with myself- so it's simply how I view myself (past, present, and future). In Maslov's hierarchy the top of the pyramid is 'self-actualization'. In pop psychology the idea is to look within, that all we need is already in us. There are many expressions of this today but the general idea is pretty much the same and permeates everyone to some degree. So we have self-help, self-fulfillment, human potential books, seminars, music, even sermons.

A typical religious response quotes plenty of scripture with the point that there is nothing good about ourselves, we have to die to self, deny self, etc. It can give a person the feeling of shame for just being human. I understand the point and it is based on some truth but if we are taking something away from someone (a faulty understanding of who they are), it would be loving and productive to offer a replacement that is more complete, not just leave them with a guilt/shame judgement.

A reconciliation perspective might look like this. Instead of outright rejecting the idea or reacting to the language, probe to find what is underneath the words to the real needs. Seek first to understand. I can see that this is a common human need and desire: to find my 'true' self and be all that I can be. Instead of squelching that desire, what about asking some questions to encourage a healthy pursuit and fulfillment? "Who made me? Why did he make me? How did he uniquely make me?" Better yet, have that conversation with God. He has created each of us to be unique and like the famous quote which I'm paraphrasing: "the world has yet to see a person who has become all they were created to be" Ok, it saw Jesus so the world has seen one person.

What keeps me from being all that I can be? Heb 12:2 gives me a clue "get rid of sin and the extra weight..." We were born programmed to put self first. God can transform us by the renewing our mind to find our life by losing it. Talk about upside down thinking.

next blog- relationship with others (social)

tribute to mom

I was blessed for 20 years to have two moms. yesterday my second mom left this world. it was quite unexpected as she was in great health and spirits having recovered from recent back surgery. she was 4" taller and quite proud of it. she was (mostly) free of the pain which had been part of her life for 30+ years. her formal relationship to me was mother-in-law but fortunately, we had a great relationship. Cheri would joke to others that her mother (or parents, I can't remember now) thought more of me than her. the truth was that their love is/was so complete that 'more' was not possible. i'm already seeing that it's gonna be hard to write about mom as a separate person from dad. they truly were one, and half of that one is no longer with us...

The short history is that I knew mom and dad stephens before I met Cheri. they were sponsors in the college group at Calvary and I was the missions point man. Cheri was away at school and work in Santa Barbara and they say they introduced us once when she was in town but neither of us remember it (?) So the Stephens were my friends from the very beginning of our knowing each other. As I hear more and more stories from others, this is a common thread- it's not long after they know you that you're friends. So Marilyn, being a travel agent, would help me with airfare when i would visit my parents or go overseas. When i decided to go to Austria to help rebuild a school, she convinced me to stay 4 more weeks and travel around. So I started in London, ended in Madrid and had a wonderful experience with great memories. Thanks mom.

When I met Cheri for the first time (according to us) it was in the context of meeting my friends daughter. That changed pretty fast as it became apparent that there was major mutual attraction :) Mom and dad made it real easy to be part of the family. I always felt total acceptance, respect and love. Thanks mom.

Mom was always 'on', always engaged. Mom had an opinion about almost everything and usually felt free to express it - and even change it midstream. She didn't have that stubborn pride that causes some of us to stick to our opinions long after they've been proven wrong. She would easily admit a faulty view and move on. Mom and I had some disagreements but they were always in the context of mutual love and respect so we didn't take our differences personally. I think it actually added to the respect we had for each other. She was up on current events and could talk to each of her grandkids with relevance. Thanks mom.

When we were in the hospital room on Sunday to say goodbye, the nurse brought us all some lunch. It was good and much appreciated but I thought - wow, this is pitiful compared to past Sunday afternoon feasts with Nana. She's here but not really and the food doesn't even begin to compare with the famous London Broil, or Dutch babies, or .... the list is long. Breakfasts at the cabin were truly epic. Thanks mom.

mom loved people and had special place in her heart for foreigners. her and dad served and ministered to countless students here and overseas over years and years of their faith journey. mom had the obvious gift of hospitality and leveraged it through God's strength to bring many closer to Him. she was a model of sacrificing to serve. When she endured the back pain for 30+ years, she would wince in pain imperceptibly, almost constantly, yet without complaining. When she was close to the end dad put his hand on her head, looked in her face and said "well done good and faithful servant, enter into the joy of your master". yeah. thanks mom

a life like moms can't really be summarized. at least by me. too much. if i had to in one sentence it would be something like "she truly lived and engaged those around her to do the same". Thanks mom.

Thanks for everything. It was a pleasure to know you. To be loved by you. to be part of your family. To eat at your table. To rest in your house. This sounds familiar... and it does give me a taste of heaven. I can only imagine how your reunion was yesterday. Good bye...for now.

Good news

The following is mostly from HomeWord Devotionals [contactus@homeword.com] from their daily email sent on July 7th. I kept it in my inbox for a reminder and now partly because I have a occasional OCD about an empty inbox and partly to keep this more permanent, I have copied it here:

By Mike DeVries

After John was put in prison, Jesus went into Galilee, proclaiming the good news of God. “The time has come,” he said, “The kingdom of God has come near. Repent and believe the good news!" Mark 1:14-15

I’ve been thinking about the “Good News” that Jesus proclaimed. What is it? What makes this news so good to a world in need?

The Good News is the news that my past and my present are not just forgiven, but are made new again – as if it never happened. I am not who I was.

The Good News is the news that what I am going through is not the end of the story. God has the final word – not a diagnosis, a hurtful comment, an abuse, a label, or a broken relationship.

The Good News is that there truly is hope, even when I don’t feel like there is much.

The Good News is the news that God is invading the broken places of my life and beginning the process of making me whole again. He has not only “saved me.” He is also “saving me.”

The Good News is the news that God sees and knows.

The Good News is the news that He cares enough to act.

The Good News is the news that God is restoring and reconciling all things, including all things in heaven and on earth.

The Good News is the news that, in Jesus, heaven has begun to crash into earth.

The Good News is the news that I am invited to be a part of God’s restoration movement, to partner with Him in making all things new again.

The Good News is the news that someday I will see Him face-to-face: My Creator, my Sustainer, my Breath and my Life.

I don’t know about you, but that’s good news to me!

I've been reading "the vine" by Andrew Murray which is based on John 15 and the metaphor of our true life resembling the branch- Jesus as the vine and the gardener is God. My true life, the one I was created for, is completely interdependent and designed to bear fruit. One of the main themes I'm picking up is that since my true life is actually what I was created for, it's not foreign. I may be out of the interdependent mode or habit so the retraining, the rethinking, the discipline of my mind may take some time and effort, but the goal is like coming home again. There is something familiar and comfortable and peaceful about the abiding life. That is good news to me. It's not weird or hard or unnatural. It's actually what my spirit, mind, and body crave and function the best in.

This morning we heard that God's promise to Abraham in Gen 12:3 involves being blessed to be a blessing which is the same as being in the vine to bear fruit. Our true life is not just about being in the vine. That's great and essential but the goal is to be a blessing, to bear fruit. It's awesome that God did not come to Abraham with a short intro and a list of commands but rather a promise. And it's the ultimate win-win: live life the way God designed it and it will spill over to those around me. That is good news. Thank you, Father! I want to always be a fruitful branch, connected and growing

a story in the Story

Yesterday was one of ‘those days’- in a good way! (I'll do my best to hit the highlights knowing that I'm leaving out tons of details)

About a year ago I was asked if I wanted to help a non-profit remodel a house for emancipated foster girls right here in town (thank you Ben M). I had heard about this incredible woman, Laurie, at Saddleback (church) a couple years ago, then read her story in the OC Register and was so impressed with her desire and ambition. I fell over myself trying to say ‘yes’ fast enough and so we started. Because of that project, The Teen Project, the architect asked me if I wanted to play in the annual fundraiser for the local HomeAid chapter by building a playhouse. I went through that open door as well (thank you Greg B) and immediately found myself to be a very small fish in a very big pond. At the first intro lunch I was surrounded by nationwide homebuilders and their teams. Company names you would recognize. Eight of them. I came alone: "Hi, I'm J Steele from Black Diamond Builders" (who?). I found a seat by Caroline and we shared our stories.

Caroline was the daughter of the owner of the host of the lunch party and they donated all the hardware for the playhouses. I told her about The Teen Project and watched her eyes moisten as I described Lauri and her mission with these girls. She told me that she was mentoring a foster girl who would be emancipated in a year and they didn't know what would be next. (btw, the gov’t gives foster kids $ 200 and ‘good luck’ when they turn 18). I connected her with Laurie the next day. Hold that thought.

Also about this time I wanted to connect people at my church, TerraNova, who needed work. I started a group and met Tim T who among other cool things, turned me onto Twitter. My first tweetup was at Boneheads where I watched Rochelle interview Morgan, the owner. I knew (or more like, felt) that Rochelle had an amazing gift and so, as they say, I pondered these things in my heart.

Meanwhile, the summer was a near death blow to my business. I couldn’t donate any more to The Teen Project and another builder stepped in to finish (thanks Scott!). One of many humbling steps in the journey. We finished the playhouse out of sheer something! (definitely a story for another day) and alas, the day to auction drew nigh. By this time I had laid off everyone at work, including my wife and was struggling with money/identity/direction/etc. which you might pick up in previous posts here during that time. I invited Rochelle and Chelsey to the auction party and was overwhelmed by their delight and gratitude. As you know, she did her famous flip video and helped make the night very special. The video made it to the east coast to a national industry magazine, which impressed the locals enough to nominate me to give seminars on social media and to be the VP of Remodelers Council for SoCal. That’s why I say you can’t out give Rochelle- or thank her enough.

Fast forward to yesterday. The Teen Project ribbon cutting ceremony was at noon and I was impressed at the number of people there. I had thought of Caroline earlier in the day, hoping to see her there. I had no idea how big of deal it was. I had to park three blocks away and was stoked to have to walk that far, knowing how many people were either hearing the story for the first time or standing with Laurie and her girls for the umpteenth time. I have plaques from the city, state, and fed officials and was in a boatload of pictures. BUT…my highlight? I saw Caroline, she introduced me to Erika, we caught up and she wrote this email afterward:

------------------------------------------------------------

J –

Great to see you too! You guys really did an awesome job with the house.

I have met Lauri a few times now and she continues to be such an inspiration. She has had Erika in her home multiple times and her generosity and gift for these kids is awe-inspiring!

Thanks again for reaching out that day at the Project Playhouse kick-off. Had it not been for you, this cycle that God created for Erika wouldn’t have existed. God is Good All the Time.

Thanks again,

Caroline

-----------------------------------------

Erika is in the final stages of being accepted to live in this home!

Rochelle has continued to connect me to her community of inspiring people, including Paul who encouraged me to post this.

I feel like I'm living the dream - not the American dream (another story of contrasts!) but much bigger and life giving. Thank you all and God, the master dream weaver!

putting words to the journey

Part of my challenge with blogging/journaling is that words aren't adequate for the thoughts in my head. And then added to that, the thoughts are compounded and it's difficult to draw a boundary because one thing leads to another and the conversation gets as big as life itself.

I'm going to credit Nick T. with this post as he revealed a basic outline to me a couple weeks ago that I've been pondering. We were talking about our journey through life, in faith and how it wasn't what we thought it would be. For some reason, probably human nature combined with miscommunicated teaching, I had expected life to be more linear like a chart or graph that was consistently moving (upward and onward, right?) What I've experienced is more like what Bruce Wilkinson describes as loops. It's more of the "three steps forward, two steps back" or even "TWO steps forward and THREE steps back" feeling. And many of the loops seem to repeat on the same themes. For me, they seem to be about false identity issues. Things that I thought were part of me and took pride in which are being pulled from me. Each new round seems to go a little deeper and while I appreciate the love of God to discipline me, it still hurts because well- it's me. Or at least that's what I thought. So most of the pain is the re-calibrating my sense of 'me' without the issue that is leaving.

Here's a progression that Nick left with me the other day. The spiritual journey starts in the "chaotic/antisocial" phase. Truth is relative and Self is all. A crisis usually causes movement out of this into "formal/institutional" where Religion thrives. Again a crisis of some sort moves a person into "skeptic/individual" which can easily be interpreted as abandonment of faith, but if the formal/institutional is deconstructed in a healthy way, it can lead to the final phase of "mystic/communal" where the wonder and awe of God and His ways begin dawning in fascinating ways- and with others. I remember beginning the skeptic/individual phase and being scared of what I was thinking and processing, some of which is in earlier blogs. In fact, I think I started blogging during this phase as I begin to deconstruct some of the external or extraneous elements of what I thought was faith. It helps me tremendously to know what to expect AND that someone else has 'been there, done that'.

So what IS next? Here's what I expect: more mystery, more community, more pruning, more refining fires, more communion, more peace, more centeredness, more pain, more of Christ in me, more awareness of what God is up to, more perspective on life, more awe at the simple things, more adoration of my Lord, more appreciation of people- each of them a masterpiece in some stage of 'rough', more love, more grace, more mercy, less of the false me. I'm ready.

Thank you!!!

I woke up at 1:30am with so much gratitude it literally felt like my heart would explode. It's an hour later now and, while escaping cardiac arrest, I'm still overwhelmed with thankfulness. My best effort in writing will fall short of the whole emotion and energy of it but, so here it is: God has put people in my life that are just amazing. Maybe they're not celebrities to others but they have affected me to my core in ways that i don't have the vocabulary for. I want to name them all and I still might but i know i wouldn't do justice to the task, too many- and with my memory... well 'nuf said.

My left brain struggles to keep up with my right brain in moments like this but a thought that occurred to me is that I'm reaping what I sowed. Yesterday I was on a high of just pumping others up. I'm not sure what sparked it but it just went all day long- through email, on twitter, in person and in my prayers. I had some kind of increased vision of how special each person was that was in my life, intentional or not, and I just wanted to love them and let them know it. What came back was messages via text, facebook, twitter, email, phone calls and in person that were so encouraging that it's literally overflowing my capacity to feel it all and express it.

How i wish technology could take my heart and put in it writing. words are feeling inadequate. so when i woke up my heart/chest/soul/whatever felt so full that i wondered if I was (physically) OK. My mind kept moving from person to person, thanking God that He connected us (see last post, "like a freeway")

I'm going for it here as this is mainly my journal and if i think of more later, I'll just edit or add a comment :) Cheri, Dad&Mom, Todd, Ben, Kara, Clark, Jacob, Lane&Josie, Jael, Jewel, Jena,Ralph&Jacquie, Christy, Kim, Daniel&Cindy, Jeff&Rocio, Jeff F, Erik R, Eric P, Shaun&Maria, Lyle, David&Karen, John R x 3, Mike, Steve G, Scott W, Harold&Marilyn, Doug&Carol,John S,Gary B x 2, Bob S, Gerardo M, Russ Y, Steve M, Jason L, Phil, Brian T, Annette, Brian G(RIP), Chris L x2, Dan P, Don&Sunbeam, Don M, Dale, Glen R, Glen W x 2, Kenny N, Kenny&Kathy, Kevin (RIP), Gene P, Brett R, Brett S, Gma S (RIP), Gmpa/ma H (RIP), Gina P, Rochelle V, Tim T-S, Claude&Kelley, Mike T, John M, Brian M, Dismas, John S, Mark B, Mark L, Stan S, Chris B, Dave L, Dave A, Chuck A (RIP), Al, Frank, Carl, Randy S, Jeff S, Thom, Kyle, Gordon, Floyd, Louie, Jay, Jon Hx2, Rob H, Jesse G, Jesse L, Jessah P-M, Michelle, Kyoko&Hiro, John&Karen, Mark K, Mark&Yvette, John&Kathy, Ron&Janice, Scott&Kathy, Juan C, Juan&Lydia, Daniel M, Patty L, Doug H, Kristin S, Anne G, Alan D, Cody F, Ron H, John C, Jim E, German&Ester, Milton, Paul T, Bridgett...

Others I can see their face and hear their voice but can't think of their names like my English professor in college-wow, I'm glad I wrote you a letter way back when I remembered. Then there are whole groups/communities that would add hundreds- it's just mind blowing. If this is a small taste of heaven, I'm literally not ready yet for the full deal unless I have the increased capacity to absorb it. Part of me wanted to jump out of bed and start writing thank you notes (note to self-start that habit again) and another part of me just wanted to stay in the moment. It was ecstasy in communion with God- surreal but yet more real, almost like a new dimension. Now it's 3:30 and I'm in wonder of this gift of a moment. To think of having that continual high for eternity is really too much to comprehend. And how to communicate that to others?

This morning I was in a meeting and the MC gave credit to "the universe" for something. I thought, wow, that's about as big as you can get-but so unpersonal. The reality that I have a relationship with it's creator is....well....I'm speechless... with awe and gratitude. Thank you GOD!

Just "THANK YOU" forever....

like the freeway

I was driving on the freeway today and let someone merge when the metaphor hit me: Life is like the freeway. I know, like any analogy, it breaks down at a certain point but the more i thought about it, the more it was very fitting. I'll just stick to the freeway and you can make the connections to life: EVERYTHING I mention is part of the metaphor so take a break if you need- don't speed read this.

I'm on a journey and there are people all around me at this point in my journey. Some are going faster, some slower. 99.99% don't even acknowledge me as a person and I'll never see them again. I have no idea which ones I'll never see again. Some will be near me for almost the whole journey. This is rare but when it happens, there's some kind of bonding that happens. Just a little, I'll be honest- I feel a certain affinity to that CAR- not even the people inside really, because of our shared journey. It always brings a certain joy when I (or the kids) spot the same car 100 miles later. And then there are the cars that I take turns with passing each other and it's kind of fun but I don't know if they are having the same kind of fun I am or if they're actually competing or getting a tude. Ok, sometimes I'm the one competing :) Some enter at one exit and leave at the next and I kind of wonder why they even bothered getting on. (there's that "wonder" word again...)

We all have our own routes which MAY have different starting and stopping points but the reality is: right here and right now I am surrounded by cars (Ok, I'm in SoCal) and we are all moving roughly in the same direction (think hard on that) at sometimes very different speeds. In fact, not rarely enough, a car is stopped on the side with either a mechanical failure, out of gas, or unfortunately- an accident. I usually try to guess why they are stopped, if the reason isn't obvious, as I fly by. If the reason is obvious i tell myself that it would cause too big of a problem if i stopped to help- they probably have help on the way- or, God forbid, they may hurt me. I actually have stopped a few times to help and found the experience quite rewarding. I've also been stopped, by accident or out of gas or transmission, etc. and have been so fortunate to be helped by some very kind souls. When I can't see what the problem is, it makes me wonder...until I get distracted by the next (unexpected lane change, new road sign, funny bumpersticker, etc.) My mind moved on but the stopped car is still there- waiting- for what?

Traffic flows well when we all drive nice and let others merge. Speaking of merging, I always thought that was the main reason for traffic jams, which start with slow downs which start with someone stepping on their brakes and the person behind them didn't allow enough room and had to do the same plus a little more, then the chain reaction started. Margin is a good thing that would avoid the braking->jams->frustration and impatience. But that's just my opinion.

Merging is an interesting ordeal. It's cool when a merge is seamless. It's fun to watch and even more fun to do. So someone enters my life (ooops, I forgot that you're making the metaphor stick) So someone is on the onramp and I can see them in my peripheral vision and my mind begins to subconsciously calculate the rate, distance and timing of their eventual merge. It is interesting that if I'm the one merging, I'm much more tuned into the flow and how I will fit in. On the other hand, if I'm on the main road I'm much less aware of those that would like to join the flow. I can actually ignore them and get away with it because, well, I have the right of way and it's their job to figure out how to fit it, right? I say get away with it but that's not always the case. If I see an 18 wheeler, I will accommodate it much more than I would an economy car because the potential consequences to MY car are vastly different. Plus, I know that truck will go wherever it wants and the economy car understands he's at the bottom of the food chain. I used to drive some fairly old, big and ugly cars. You really want to know, right? Ok, '76 Pacer (ugly) '65 Wildcat (huge,old) 88 Ford F-250 (all the above). Here's how driving the OBU car works: people give you space. They really don't want to get close to you. And they know you have nothing to lose if you get too close so they basically avoid you. Now I drive decent cars and I can feel the difference. Really.

I'm gonna stop here for two reasons: it's late and there's a lot to absorb in the metaphor. I might continue. Or you might comment to continue. But I'll sign off with a few questions:

Where's your journey taking you?

Do you have a map or GPS?

What lane are you in?

How have your merges been?

Are you moving or stopped?

Do you like your car?

Is this post too abstract for your box? :)